OK - It has taken me all day to read through this thread and I really wanted to go back and read the others, especially the hidden ones to see if I could uncover anything else. The reason it has taken so long is that I have been busy at work, and do this when the phone is not ringing or I do not have to moderate a newbie. So it has nothing to do with your thread.
First thing I will give you, is that helping you to raise your children it might help if you look up Erik Erikson who invented the Stages of Human Development. This is what children are suppose to learn at different ages. It is 8 stages and includes 3 stages of adulthood. So 5 stages as a child.
As far as your relationship goes. Sounds like your wife is in early menopause/perimenopause .
This could take years to complete and and she has to decide that she wants to FIX herself, no differently than you and me.
My experience is that when things progress slowly and not as much high energy is going on this whole process takes even longer. So I guess I can only advise that you continue doing what you are working on and at some point decide what you will and will not accept in your marriage.
If I have time later I will post some more. However I am going to have a very busy weekend coming up so maybe not.
