Hi Step Up, I am catching up with your thread, and this may turn out to be a lengthy post. I want to start with this quote from you:
Quote:
I found her in pics with another guy on fb. She swears she is not seeing anyone and if she is " I will be the first to know". She has been to his house and out dancing w him. He posted video on fb (don't you know your friend's friend's can see your activity?) We do live together but there is no touching except for sex which involves no kissing. We sleep under separate blankets in the same bed. I pay the bills and she does not cook, clean or eat at the house. She is always on the phone with friends (male or female) and does not look at me while talking. She does not let me see who she is on the phone with. She has been buying new clothes every pay day (including sexy underwear). She is planning to spend her birthday at the end of this month somewhere without me.
Start right here ^^^^^^^^. She is lying to you, b/c there is an OM. She may cover up or pass it off as "just friends", but she is in some type of inappropriate affair. My question to you is are you okay with it? Is a third person in your M a deal breaker?
If you will not tolerate an open M, then you must "step up" and make a lot of changes. I know right away you have all the traits of the nice-guy. Btw, if you have not read about it, there is free download online. Please read it ASAP. When you read it, you will understand the term of nice-guy. (And it doesn't mean to be a bad guy).
First thing you need to do is gear up as though you were going into the biggest challenge of your life. You must have all the tools and training you can get. read my threads about the wayward wife. Dont't skim over it, digest it. Read the link on detaching, b/c it's not what most people assumes. Read the link on setting boundaries. In fact, just read what Cadet posted.
So.......back to your quote above. Your W has a princess entitlement, and you are enabling her to continue. You have gone from being the respected head of the home to being in a subservient role. Maybe you have never behaved as though you were in charge, and you were the leader and provider of the family. Maybe you are not sure how to do it. You need to learn, b/c your W is carrying your b@lls around with her. So, think about it. How can you get back your b@lls?
I strongly advise you to stop treating her as a princess. She is not a princess, she's a spoiled br@t. She control your life and probably bullies you. Clearly, she has no respect for you. Nothing will work to save the MR, until she respects you as a man and as her H. Women are designed in such a way that they have to feel respect for a man in order to feel desire for him. I don't mean just doing the sex act, but for her to really desire you in her heart.........that feeling of being in love with her man. Know what I mean?
You are not making any brownie points by doing all the work at home, while she does whatever she pleases. Have you always done all the work? This dynamic must change immediately. No more miss spoiled br@t. She is a mother and a wife. She has a home with responsibilities. Those things should come first in her life.
In a healthy MR, there is no privacy between the spouses. In fact, one of the first signs something is not right is when you see her having several private phone calls. You know, like she leaves the room to talk, always has the phone glued to her, and doesn't share anything with you. But your W has excluded you from everything in her life. And, she has you under her thumb and has you stuck at home while she's gallivanting around and acting like a single woman with no responsibilities or accountability. She expects you to give her an account for every move you make.........and you apologized b/c you failed to tell her?? Yes, you most definitely are a doormat for her to wipe WW poop off her shoes.
You seemed surprised by the D papers. Has she discussed divorce with you?
