WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[SH_]

Duuuuude doodler. I love it. I'm so gonna grab shell and make the best of this ride. I know there will be some great adventures and good things on the other side.


Thank you gr8 dad and Sara for the support for me and d17.

Phoebe, thank you for everything. For letting me share/coach you. It is very therapeutic for me and hopefully beneficial for you.

Some quick journaling.

So I debated whether to share this as I know that there are different camps as to the value and or meanings of dreams. So I preface this by saying that I mean no offense to anyone that is in the camp that they mean something or predict future outcomes. I am of the camp that dreams are the brain/ minds way of dumping the " junk" thoughts.

So, since I am sleeping normal again and actually hitting the REM sleep that allows one to dream, I have been waking and recalling my dreams. Well last nights was particularly of a disturbing nature because WAW was in it.

I was in the home that I lived in when I was about 8 years of age. I was there, d17 was there, WAW, and a guy that I knew when I lived in Mexico for a couple of years.
So the dream went that WAW was running around the house turning on a stereo that had Japanese language lessons. She was pacing and repeating the phrases.
I asked her what she was doing and she said she was brushing up on her Japanese as she was about to work a deal for some big company to help them take their product international. She told me she needed the deal so she could move out on her own.
She then said she had to go get ready and she left. The guy that I knew when I was in Mexico was then there telling me that WAW was doing well with the deal and would most likely get it.

I then went looking for WAW and d17 told me not to bother. I then went around looking for her anyway......I then woke up and felt.....well I felt nothing.

So, I was able to identify the junk that was in my mind that was being dumped through this dream.

D17 shared yesterday that WAW is hinting that she will need to get her resume updated and go into business because she won't be able to keep teaching and support herself on the salary she earns. She mentioned it to d17 as they watched a news story about IBM laying of folks, while hiring others.
This would be the part of the Dream about her trying to make a business deal.

I looked through a photo album yesterday and it had photos of WAW before we met when she was in Japan teaching English.
This would be the part where she is brushing up on Japanese.

D17 telling me not to look for WAW.
Many times she has told me to detach and move on until WAW can get it together.

The guy I knew when I went to Mexico and my childhood home?
Well, those are just memories in my head that mingled with ththe other stuff and wahlah!!

A nonsense dream with some of the stress that WAW has caused me.


Why do I journal this?
Well....because....
I am still trying to decide why it did not phase me and why I am so numb to her and everything she does of late, when just a few weeks ago, I was a basket case.

Is it good that I have returned to a calm place so soon?
Am I suppressing things that may arise later on?


Not sure. I am simply not sure.

Oh yea, I received texts from her tonight looking for money for a bill she received for d17 wisdom teeth removal that apparently did not get paid with the original bill, and swim lessons that she wants d5 in. I taught d5 to swim last summer and will take her frequently this summer. Funny how she wants money for things she wants to do, regardless of what she knows I will do.
I'll pay the dentist bill. Not gonna pay for the expensive swim lessons as I can get much more inexpensive lessons or better yet, spend some quality time with d5 myself and pick up where we left off last summer.

And.........scene.

Sleep tight all.
Tomorrow is a new day, with new opportunities. Don't wait for them to come to you. Go get them and be the person that only a fool would leave.