continued detachment, anxiety, and joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

Well, I just got finished a nice evening of sewing with my mom, and she just left for home. We sewed a bunch of CHICKEN SADDLES, and then we got the birds into their new "clothes."

How quirky is that?

I have a bully in my flock and she is pulling out the feathers above the tails of a bunch of my chickens. The bully is one (or more) of the 5 that remain unscathed. A chicken saddle is like an apron, but worn backwards, that goes over their back to give them some added protection while their feathers regrow. Chickens can be brutal to each other. Once they expose pink skin they will never leave it alone.

I haven't had any more time to do research today besides the BB talk I watched, but I will be on that as soon as I can, SH and Co.!

So I was working on my relationship graph with my H this afternoon (while sitting outside enjoying a lovely day), and it was no fun whatsoever. It reminds me that in the last 3 years there were more negative than positive things to record. Of course, there is no way to record the good interactions between the actually incidents, so it's a bit misleading, but there was certainly a downward trend going on.

It's sad to see it written out in black and white. I'm doing OK. It's just sobering and difficult.

I need to make a final copy of the graph tomorrow and do a lot more work on my thought process and write about that, but the rough sketch is at least on paper. Tomorrow I need to get it done because I see my grief counselor on Friday.

So, I slept really strangely last night on the higher dose of hydroxyzine - restless and lots and lots of odd dreams, and woke up covered in sweat one time. I didn't have any nightmares, luckily, but if it happens again tonight then I don't think the hydroxyzine will work for me.

I hope that everyone gets some good sleep.. Good night!