WAS or what (6)

[SH_]

roist, I just want to say thank you.
I have been in a weird place and struggling to have any emotions take shape, yet I feel them just under the surface. Yet as I was jogging this morning, it hit me. I have been stuck in this mode of blaming. That is what I have been focused on.
I have found that I am blaming her for every little thing.
Blame for our current situation.
Blame for the pain she is causing me, my daughters, herself.
I am blaming her for things in the past, for things in the future, basically I am laying blame at her feet for everything.
And then I read your post below. It hit me hard, because I know you are right.

She is not trying to hurt me. She is trying to escape her own hurt. Part of focusing on me and making myself better is to take responsibility for how I let things affect me. To honor her struggle. To stay in my lane. To be the lighthouse.

Thank you again for sharing such words of wisdom and a reminder for me this day.

One thing I got from this mornings listenings is that my W is not trying to make me suffer. She is doing the best she can with her situation.This I believe to be true. It really does help to realise that. This in no way belittles how we are being treated, but does help how it affects us.

How we let things affect us is one of the key things I picked up on this journey.It really is a choice. It is not easy but is within our control. I try as much as possible to act in accordance to my beliefs/plan as much as possible regardless of how I feel or how W is. Except where disrespect is concerned I stand up to that and will act accordingly.

My greatest comfort is my greatest source of discomfort.My W. I will cake eat and appreciate what I have until I have become who I wantto be. Then we'll see about us. Also one of the things that gives me hope is also one that makes me lose hope, I.e. how long this has lasted.

I choose to be optimistic, though realistically so.