OFP, I am not caught up on your sitch. So your W filed an injunction? I didn't realize she could do that without more evidence of potential harm? Not using any correct legal terms here, sorry folks. ... But I am glad you were not able to pursue her, harass her, etc, as that would have only made things worse.
At least where I live, someone can make up a story, and get an OFP, with essentially no questions asked, it is crazy easy to do. I think there are some minimum requirements, like r@pe for example, like my W accused me of! Sad part, she actually believes it! Nothing could be farther from the truth. 2 days earlier W was unloading a bunch of other stuff she was upset about, essentially her "on the way out speech", and finished by saying "one thing I have to say, the SL was great! She went to an advocates group, I think they planted the seed, she ran with it, and engraved it into her "rewriting history" routine.
Originally Posted By: BluWave
OFP & DDJ, you guys are correct. You do not want a broken person back! No one does! .... we want a person that loves us the way we love them.... focus on ourselves and LET THEM GO.... That is not to say that we don't ever want them back. I don't think many of you can even know that right now. It depends on what they learn on their journey and who they present to you if and when they do come back. -Blu
I trimmed your reply a little. These words have been said to me repeatedly, though differently. I think this time it might have sunk in. Zephyr and/or SadHub I believe, have tried to hit me with this 2x4 a few times.... I ducked and they missed! And they continued by saying that I would not want W back in her current state. So true!
Originally Posted By: BluWave
From Unbowed: "I think "nice guys" can come in different varieties. For example, I don't believe I behaved purposefully at the level of nasty, ultra controlling behavior that Vanilla speaks of. I really do love and care for my wife.
You are right, "nice guys" can vary all over the place. I went out and did things without my W maybe 5 times the entire 21 years of our M, and every one was short. On the other hand I had some anger issues, so not totally "nice guy." Other things I vented freely, definitely did not qualify as "nice guy."
Some of my history is similar to your H's... which is something I have been focusing on the last week or so, what my feelings are based on how I was raised. I have/had codependency something fierce, and I am finding out my mother was the source of it, using shame and blame and other tools in a so-called loving way! Living there and now realizing the source, is quite painful... but probably the fastest way to learn!
