Quote: I don't want to feel like a victim anymore.
You must REMOVE yourself from the victim role. How can you do that?
Let's see if we can work on some of this dynamic. (As you know I have the same issue of getting upset all the time by things h says, does, doesn't say, etc.) Basically, just making up a bunch of crap in my head and assuming the worst.
First of all, how exactly are you communicating with h when you are mad/upset? Give us some specifics. What are you saying ? when you are expressing your feelings? Are you calling him names, saying he is mean/doesn't care, whatever?
What causes him to withdraw? What has he said to you that would help him communicate with you and not withdraw/get defensive?
ie. my h prefers that i approach him BEFORE being really upset, being calm, not beating around the bush and coming out and saying directly what is bothering me, and not having a long period of silence before stating what is wrong. He gets defensive when I imply/say that he doesn't care. This is very hurtful and offensive to him. I thought it was ok to say "I FEEL like you don't care," but that is not acceptable, b/c all he hears is the "you don't care."
I also read (need to try this out), to not even go into personality traits like "you're lazy." and just make a very specific request like, "can you please clean the kitchen?" or "can you please call me when you get there?" Make it a request for a specific behavior.
Also, what is he saying that you are getting upset about? Can you ask for clarification? And rather than jump to the worst conclusion ask what he meant by that?
How can you take control over yourself and your emotions and how you feel about yourself? Ok, you've decided not to contact him. What are you going to do instead? Is there a good book you've been wanting to read or do you have a craft of some sort that you've been meaning to work on? Even your mending? ha! That's fun!
