A Glass of Myrrlo

[Lyrael]

Thanks, HO and Betsey.
I have not done very well at keeping it together this morning and last night.
I even asked if he was still sure he wanted a divorce (Oh, Dazed...you can bring that 2x4 now). He said "I think so, but I have a lot of self-doubt." He explained further that he was really afraid he was making the wrong decision. Then I asked if I could have a couple of weeks before he filed, and he said "yeah, I wasn't planning on doing that anyway..."

Oh, and last night in the middle of the heated discussion, he mentioned that he started sleeping at the house "because I asked him to." I NEVER asked him to. I had him come over to help pack, and HE stayed. Why does he always act like I force him into being around me, when that isn't the case at all?

Yes, dear friends, I am ANGRY with a capital A. I didn't yell, but I did say some things that were kind of crappy. I am not very good yet at laughing off his rejections and not letting them bother me.

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE? I guess one good thing is now I don't have to worry about making a grateful exit. And he still says that he didn't say I HAVE to leave.
ARGH. At least I have an apt. He admited to me last night that he just can't deal with me upset. He said he is very happy at home, except when "this" (meaning me getting upset) happens...I just feel like I blew the chance I had to just be happy. He even said last night that we were getting along better than we ever had, and he didn't understand why. I just felt like he was constantly dropping comments about how "you should take this to your apt" and talking about my future with other people - then he gets upset when the comments evoke a response in me.

So, what is the vote here? Go to the apt and go dark as much as possible? Just let him go completely and forget about him for now?

I'm feeling kind of sad and lost right now, so I am not at my most creative.
Hugs to all,
Myrrh