Aw shucks, we need to live closer together! I have an idea (because this is what I might do one day.) Go on ebay and see if you can find a backpack that you can carry guess what in??? Your child!!! Def. make you stronger!!! I like to be creative too...
Hee hee - a 20-month-old in a backpack. I can just hear the screeching now. "Walk! Walk!"
I had to take S to the doctor tonight, and he charmed the pants off everyone he encountered...grinning adorably and saying "kank you" (his version of thanks), "hi," and "bye-bye." Even the doctor thought he was outrageously cute. No worries - he just had a cold and a slight ear infection, so it's back on the Amoxicillin for now.
Interesting - I was reading back in my posts about how I said we had a really close evening, and that H would probably need his space and want to be alone after that...and look what happened! Still not sure i fthis is just his way of slowly getting over me - our arrangement right now is that we are just going to enjoy being together, and if I feel like being at my apt, I can, and if he needs to get away, he will. I told him I need his help to get the sofa bed there if I am to be able to officially move in, and he doesn't seem in any hurry to do that.
My biggest fear at this point? That he wants me out of here and isn't telling me...if he continues staying at the shop, I guess I have my answer. Does it matter? Do I really want to let his behavior dictate how I feel or what I decide to do? NO! Unless he honestly and directly says to me - please do not spend time at the house any more, or I feel weird here, I will continue to spend time here. It's Rhane's childhood home, and the place where he feels comfy, and so do I.
Why do I feel like I have to apologise or defend myself to everyone because I am still hanging around with my H? Weird...anyway, I am feeling a little icky - the insecurity is a little tough at night, so I need to plan carefully, or I will end up yelling at D over the phone, and will be feeling extraordinarily stupid. The plans? A single glass of Merlot, starting the book "Dragonfly in Amber", and trashy Sat night TV (including several episodes of COPS).
I can get through a scary for me time like this. I am gonna be okay. FACE THE FEAR!!! Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
I keep checking back in and hoping you've done something worthy of me pulling out the monogrammed 2x4 but wouldn't you know, you have things nicely under control!!
hi myrrh - just got caught up on your sitch, so bear with me as i repeat some things you may have heard before you are amazingly centred for someone your age - i only say this as i recall what i was like at 23 - oh my gosh - the overdraft was the only thing i was obsessing about (so was my H - joint problem solving has been our glue until recently ) from your posts, my money is on your H being confused, guilty, and postponing making decisions. time is always on the side of the R when at least one partner is dbing, which you are doing a terrific job of the crazymaking will continue, be prepared for it. detach, and watch yourself go through the motions - i'm finding it gets easier to recognise the early warnings, pull out the stop sign, and go for a run till my legs hurt so much i cannot think or feel anymore; i'm fitter now than i was at 30 oh yes, keep journaling and posting, the safety valve is critical. and don't just lurk on my thread, ok? i really appreciate your feedback. lots of hugs, slowly
Well, folks, despite the fact that my husband talked about us getting along better than we ever have last night, he wants me to leave.
So I will be sleeping in my apt from now on, starting tonight. I don't feel like I have the emotional resources to continue this thing. I keep leaving myself open, and I keep getting hurt. I just think that when things fall back into place, I will have moved beyond my H. He enjoys my company while I'm here, but has made no move to prevent me from leaving. Says this hurts him, etc...at least I know what to do now.
It is too hard to love somebody who is fine with having you around sometimes, but then out of the blue decides he "should" let you go. ARGH! I am too upset right now to know what to think, or do, or anything. I won't have a computer at my apt for a few days, so I won't be on so much.
Any input is appreciated. I am just really tired of riding the roller coaster. Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Hate to say it, NOPE, you can't give up! You have a long way to go, sweetie! Let's christen the new apartment as your new chapter with Dustin, and hold on to the rails awhile longer.
GO YOU!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Thanks, HO and Betsey. I have not done very well at keeping it together this morning and last night. I even asked if he was still sure he wanted a divorce (Oh, Dazed...you can bring that 2x4 now). He said "I think so, but I have a lot of self-doubt." He explained further that he was really afraid he was making the wrong decision. Then I asked if I could have a couple of weeks before he filed, and he said "yeah, I wasn't planning on doing that anyway..."
Oh, and last night in the middle of the heated discussion, he mentioned that he started sleeping at the house "because I asked him to." I NEVER asked him to. I had him come over to help pack, and HE stayed. Why does he always act like I force him into being around me, when that isn't the case at all?
Yes, dear friends, I am ANGRY with a capital A. I didn't yell, but I did say some things that were kind of crappy. I am not very good yet at laughing off his rejections and not letting them bother me.
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN MY LIFE? I guess one good thing is now I don't have to worry about making a grateful exit. And he still says that he didn't say I HAVE to leave. ARGH. At least I have an apt. He admited to me last night that he just can't deal with me upset. He said he is very happy at home, except when "this" (meaning me getting upset) happens...I just feel like I blew the chance I had to just be happy. He even said last night that we were getting along better than we ever had, and he didn't understand why. I just felt like he was constantly dropping comments about how "you should take this to your apt" and talking about my future with other people - then he gets upset when the comments evoke a response in me.
So, what is the vote here? Go to the apt and go dark as much as possible? Just let him go completely and forget about him for now?
I'm feeling kind of sad and lost right now, so I am not at my most creative. Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
you are amazingly centred for someone your age - i only say this as i recall what i was like at 23 - oh my gosh - the overdraft was the only thing i was obsessing about (so was my H - joint problem solving has been our glue until recently 
)
the crazymaking will continue, be prepared for it. detach, and watch yourself go through the motions - i'm finding it gets easier to recognise the early warnings, pull out the stop sign, and go for a run till my legs hurt so much i cannot think or feel anymore; i'm fitter now than i was at 30 
