A Glass of Myrrlo

[Lyrael]

Hee hee - a 20-month-old in a backpack. I can just hear the screeching now. "Walk! Walk!"

I had to take S to the doctor tonight, and he charmed the pants off everyone he encountered...grinning adorably and saying "kank you" (his version of thanks), "hi," and "bye-bye." Even the doctor thought he was outrageously cute. No worries - he just had a cold and a slight ear infection, so it's back on the Amoxicillin for now.

Interesting - I was reading back in my posts about how I said we had a really close evening, and that H would probably need his space and want to be alone after that...and look what happened! Still not sure i fthis is just his way of slowly getting over me - our arrangement right now is that we are just going to enjoy being together, and if I feel like being at my apt, I can, and if he needs to get away, he will. I told him I need his help to get the sofa bed there if I am to be able to officially move in, and he doesn't seem in any hurry to do that.

My biggest fear at this point? That he wants me out of here and isn't telling me...if he continues staying at the shop, I guess I have my answer. Does it matter? Do I really want to let his behavior dictate how I feel or what I decide to do? NO! Unless he honestly and directly says to me - please do not spend time at the house any more, or I feel weird here, I will continue to spend time here. It's Rhane's childhood home, and the place where he feels comfy, and so do I.

Why do I feel like I have to apologise or defend myself to everyone because I am still hanging around with my H? Weird...anyway, I am feeling a little icky - the insecurity is a little tough at night, so I need to plan carefully, or I will end up yelling at D over the phone, and will be feeling extraordinarily stupid. The plans? A single glass of Merlot, starting the book "Dragonfly in Amber", and trashy Sat night TV (including several episodes of COPS).

I can get through a scary for me time like this. I am gonna be okay. FACE THE FEAR!!!
Hugs to all,
Myrrh