Why is Raven black?

[ciluzen]

So, a lot has been happening and, at the same time, not much at all.

I boxed up so much stuff to get the house ready to show, that I feel there isn't a whole lot other than my furniture and clothing and things that will move with me to box up. I could be deluding myself, but I have some time before I move and a bit of time after. The rest is stuff that H wanted or needs for him to deal with (I refuse to pack for him).

I've been following and posting on Bluwave's thread over in newcomer's lately. She had an H that seemed to have had an MLC (maybe) that came back. The discussions on there have been interesting, especially about "nice guy syndrome".

When we here talk about how our MLCers often have depression and are dealing with childhood issues that haunt them, if they have always been a "nice guy" and their MLC behavior still shows them trying to be nice while acting like an alien has stolen their body, you may have a Mr. Nice Guy situation.

After reading up on it, my H fits EVERY SINGLE TRAIT. Not just the "nice" parts, but the not-so-nice traits. Because a "nice guy" isn't really so nice. They feel that they need to mask the real them by hiding feelings, traits and behaviors that they believe are not ok. Dishonesty and convincing themselves of a "new" set of rules dependent upon their wants (compartmentalizing) as well as stuffing feelings which eventually erupts in bizarre behavior or emotional explosions are some of those traits. It is information that I think is more beneficial for the H to understand about themselves to help them heal, but may be good for the W to understand if she is able to truth dart a bit. I don't want to spend time re-writing what's been said, but its worth a look.

I continue to encourage H to use me as a "friend" to vent or talk to when he can. It seems to help him to organize his thoughts. And share. I don't think he really shares the deeper thoughts with others. Maybe I'm wrong. But I really don't think so. And I don't feel I can flat out tell him my ideas on his daddy and mommy issues, or even his "nice guy" issues and how they might have had an effect on his self image or our R. But I can listen. I can validate. And once in awhile I can ask a question that might cause him to think in those directions.

Other than that, I'm moving forward. I get to take a placement exam this morning to place into one of my pre-req classes and am already signed up for the other. I'm getting excited about moving into my apartment (or trying to), and just kind of coasting a bit right now.