In fact being a nice guy is the exact opposite of being respectful and connecting to women.
It's a man putting his own needs first, it's the ultimate control and master technique. The anthisis of what a modern man should do.
It's being 'nice' to get what you want, it creates distance not connection.
'Nice' in this context is tongue in cheek, it's the opposite of nice. It's nasty mean selfish territory whilst presenting a 'nice' front. It's gaslighting and smoke and mirrors and highly manipulative behaviour. It's saying one thing and doing another, whilst grinning look at me I am so 'nice'.
It's highly codependent and unpleasant because it presents as 'nice'. Nice is pyrrhic in this. Most 'nice' guys and gals won't come to that conclusion about themselves until they have to.
Nice guys are toe rags with a sweet smile. And if you tell them they are a nice guy then they may project and rage at you.
V
Wow, Vanilla...I have no words to express my thanks. The coin has just majorly dropped for me on something that's been rattling around in my mind for *months*.
I always got on like a house on fire with my MIL. We are quite similar in lots of ways (we're both very strong, do everything types), and we both have a tremendous amount of respect for each other. I can see why my H was drawn to me.
But when I couldn't keep all of that up (I became unwell), and needed help and support from my H...well, that was when he started going off the rails. And that eventually led to his As.
So I've come to realise that H had put me on a pedestal. Like he (and his whole family) have done - and still do - with his own mother. And then blamed and vilified me when I couldn't live up to that.
They're essentially both unrealistic viewpoints (and very sexist at that, as well). And importantly they are very much two sides of the same coin.
Thank you. No words to express how utterly grateful I am for this insight.
