cbtdad, I get that you're using your emotions and she hers, when you interact. Thats perhaps the problem. You need to act as-if she does not want away, what does that cbtdad look like?
As for you hurting her, I've not gone back far enough in your history, but there is only one person here that broke the others heart. Yesterday I could not get the following thought out of my head for my WW "why did she not give me a chance to fix the problems that she thought I was adding to the M - why did she have to cheat on me." But she did not give me that chance. I cannot give her another chance to break my heart again.
My mother always brings up that when her father meted out punishment he used to say that it's going to hurt him more than it's going to hurt you. I think that's what tough love is about. Standing up for what you believe in and sticking to it, even if the ones that you love get hurt. My plan is to take a sabbatical from my WW for at least a year until she grovels and cries to get back into the M. I am not doing this for her, but because I believe it is the right and best thing for me.
Sorry if i'm rambling, hope you find food for thought in it...
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
