Well yesterday was the best day i've had in terms of DB'ing for myself, not to save my M. I think that thats where we go wrong, we're told to save ourselves whilst trying to save our M, thats way too confusing. I think we should save ourselves first, then consider if we still want to be married, and if THEY are even interested - then work on a R, then M.
I hit 17 out of 19 objectives, including not being on the forum for more than 2 hours in total for the day. WW and I exchanged about 8 emails, 6 TMs and she called me once. We spoke face to face for about 5 minutes in total the entire day.
This morning I was planning on avoiding her totally, not even a goodbye, but our S awoke and she came out of her room. Still never said goodbye. I must be alone, I must feel like she's not there. The day is coming and I need to be prepared. I have still not had anxiety for the day but cried a tiny bit in the car for a song entitled "runaway love".
She hasn't run to OM2 yet, but that could happen tonight so I need to prepare myself mentally for it. As I lay awake last night, I was thinking about God; I always thought that He was existential, I would never find him, I didn't want to. Then about 3 weeks after BD I prayed sooo hard for my M, i closed my eyes and I could see an outline of a person, with a halo type thing around his/her head. I knew that I had seen Him.
If we are to give ourselves and our destiny to this Higher Power then so be it. I cannot control the things that happen to me, but I can control my actions.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
