A Glass of Myrrlo

[Lyrael]

Okay, a great talk with H last night - not really about *us*, more about how he was feeling - overwhelmed by life. He's worried about business stuff/our financial stuff/us. He is kind of where I am at with us, I think - confused as to what to do next.

I am going out on a limb here and pointing out a place where things could get hairy. I think when he has shared a lot of himself like that, he goes into his cave to be alone for awhile. (we even talked about his need to be alone last night, and how his dad was also like that!) I did really well last night, I think. I was able to be loving and supportive, without "owning" his feelings - thank you, Betsey for that term and explanation, even though we didn't discuss it in the H context. Today, I think I just need to give him some serious breathing space. He is trying like hell to get this project at work done, and it's really frustrating him that he can't concentrate. So today, without getting all defiant about it, I think I just need to leave him alone. He has said he doesn't care when I leave the house (which, coming from him, is almost "I don't want you to leave just yet"). Why not just deal with the sitch as it is? It's a little ridiculous that I have an apartment and am not staying there...but, well - I am planning to spend at least some time there next week. I am playing this thing by ear, and being very slow and deliberate, trying to err on the side of doing too little rather than too much. I have to make sure I stay away from the pattern of feeling secure in our R, and then slipping back into old bad habits again. He is watching, and I know that.

Agenda for today:
1) Take a shower! I've spent most of the day in my jammies!
2) Go cash the paycheck...gotta love banks that are open on Fridays til 7pm...even Good Friday.
3) Going to go in search of my Merlot, and I am making lasagna tonight, and going to try and work on the house.
4) Maybe stop by the library to return things and/or check new stuff out.
5) Just Be!
Hugs to all,
Myrrh