Quote: For me...peace brings anxiety, and a lot of "what if?" kind of thoughts. The basic question here is...how can I make this pattern lead to a different ending? What is the very first step I need to take to make things different?
There is a point where you make a conscious decision to channel the anxious thinking into constructive, positive energies.
For years I fought against myself for being different than most. Early on, voted most likely to succeed, class mascot, president of honor society, etc. Each step added to the pressure I would place upon myself to be better than everyone. The effort perpetuated feelings of not good enough and stoked the 'never at peace' lifestyle I was running within.
When I got to the point of being unable to slow down, I became very good friends with Glenlivet scotch. It would slow my mind, slowing my personal demons racing inside my head. The quiet peace was what I was running from the most, because I thought that to be accepted and liked I had to achieve, to attain, to surpass everyone else. Fortunately, I have come to befriend those demons and understand that being driven is what makes part of my personality.
So, back to your original question - to quiet the anxiety, you must face your demons and learn to move past them. What besides being manager for the limbo bimbo's do you do for fun? What volunteering can you do? What school classes could you reach into?
Complacency can become addictive and debilitating. Your posts to other threads have become so much more encouraging of late that I think you are a natural for volunteer work or possibly part time work at a hospital, nursing home, etc. The extra income couldn't hurt either.
It's time to use this anxious energy for positive use. You can laugh at the demons or become comfortably numb.
