You have made some improvements to your draft response. It is clear to us that you now realize that the initial response was not ideal and do see that improvements could be made in certain areas. A couple of comments to think about your approach.
You know about the sandwich approach, right? Open up with positive then negative in the middle and end on a positive note. What you would want to think about here is how you can approach this as a collaborative parenting process. Meaning, you can open up the first sentence or so (paragraph) by agreeing to whatever points that XW made (that is confirming a point or some points of mutual agreement)...this shows that you are not obstinate at all.
There are some parts that you would want to keep in your draft response...maybe with minor tweaks. It is all about timing and flow of your response. Let's take a look at this section together:
We obviously have a disagreement here. We have an equal say in the choice of schools as we have joint custody. If you want to take this to a legal route - you are free to pursue that along with the time and expense - However I am willing to continue to try and work this out with you in the best interests of the children. We won't be able to litigate every disagreement.
The key is to be detached and not be bothered by XW's bluff or threats to get the Courts involved. Here's how I would address it:
There will be times that disagreements will arise from time to time as to be expected with divorced people who bring various views to the table when it comes to co-parenting young children. I am willing to try and work things out with you that is in the best interests of the children. Please understand that it is not ideal to litigate every disagreement. It is not a reasonable nor practical thing to do at all.
This accomplishes several things in one paragraph:
-Divorce is the new normal for you two and the kids -Two people most probably have different views of parenting -Tells XW that you are not quaking in your boots at all with her threats nor try to appease her at all -Shows her how silly she is holding that so-called threat over your head over disagreements (there will be MANY for you are their parents for life)
In the next post, I will show you two different scenarios where emails have been effective in getting people's needs met in a collaborative way. One is my email to Ms. Wonka a year ago (or was it two??) and you may recall how PigPgen's estranged wife was solidly resolute in her refusal to allow PP to see Woofie? Yah, that one. I supported PP in composing a email to his wife.
Now, I think it would not hurt you at all to show a little vulnerability to XW about your concerns. This was how PP was successfully able to get his XW to allow him time with Woofie.
Of course, you can change the wording to suit your style. You don't want to come across your emails as a disembodied voice from "out there."
It can be done and it has been done so quite successfully around here in the forums.
