Im only just beginning the book, but what you say makes a lot of sense. My H, I think, feels more masculine helping women. He has been opening up more to me (I've been trying to encourage him to) and told me this weekend that I was a very independent woman, something Ive never felt I was. I don't ask for help much, though, and he used to complain about me always wearing an oversized hoody sweatshirt. Ive lost 45 lbs since BD and have started dressing much nicer and an early 180 was to never let him see me NOT looking my best. I think what drew him to his "ladyfriend" was her neediness and ultra-femininity. Always asking for his help. He seems to eat that up, as a nice guy.
But yes, it does seem that he is doing more with men now. He also calls our daughters much more often, when he used to always rely on me to keep him up to date on them, even while we've been separated. Something's going on in his head, anyway.
The list of nice-guy traits? He met them all. The not so good, not so nice traits? He met those too. Like being secretive, compartmentalizing, being dishonest and stuffing his emotions. It is spot on. I don't think he would be open to reading the book, so I don't know if it will just help me understand him better?
DBing is helping me to move forward, learning about MLC (I believe that is an issue) allowed me to have some understanding towards him. But the nice guy issues...that seems it would be more beneficial to him. Not sure how to get that to him, though. Any ideas?
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
