W did an OFP to protect herself from her own weakness? Because she really wanted out? Like, permanently? Even though she showed NO signs 2 weeks earlier? Ironic, just read another thread by Martin5, about how fast they seem to change.
I know how badly you want the how's and whys of everything your wife did and is doing. But it's not going to help you. You have to just deal with what you do have control over.
I'm feeling a little better about myself, but I still feel stuck. I can't "show" DB'ing. I know, I know, DB'ing is supposed to be for me, not W, but leaves me in a position of not being able to do anything to try to repair this mess. As long as this OFP is in place, there is NO hope, only a continuous stream of money pouring out the door, and a semi continuous stream of tears. As long as it is in place, or at least until the D is finalized, I am having a hell of a time with GAL.
Here's the part of DB'ing I'm not getting: People on here have a spouse that betrays them, in one way or another, different for every sitch. The LBS has to do all the work? Just doesn't seem right! It's like accepting blame that we pushed them away, and we have to justify all of their rotten behavior to boot.
If you knew for a fact that your wife was gone and your marriage was over, That there was no hope for reconciliation... what would you do? What could you do so that you would not repeat your mistakes in your next relationship? This is where your focus needs to be. Let your wife deal with her issues and you deal with yours. LBS work is not for getting spouse back. It's for moving forward in a way that is healthy for LBS. once they leave, the chance of them coming back is very small. And if they do, there is a big chance they will just leave again at some point in the future.
On the other side of the argument, sure I wasn't perfect, sure W had a 6 ring circus just packed with crazy monkeys. But it still doesn't justify the actions she is taking. Does it?
It definatly does not. marriage is a committment and your supposed to work on it together. but she doesn't think this way. Only some of us do. Completely out of your control. You can't make her behave in anyway she doesn't want to, regardless of rational. Whoever is less invested in the relationship has all the power. your only shot is to disinvest in relationship and invest in what works for you.
The first couple replies from people more emotionally stable than myself (or at least come across that way in their posts, LOL), like Zephyr, SadHub (SH now?), V, Cadet, JOB, etc... Stating things about how I didn't deserve the way I am being treated makes me feel better about me, doesn't make me feel better about W. But I have to find it in myself to forgive and take the high road? And still try to maintain some hope that she will realize her mistake? After the devastation she left in her wake both emotionally and financially? I don't know, I just don't see ever recovering from that with or without her. I'm scared that I will end up one of those people bitter and alone for the rest of their life!
major red flag OFP. Why are you so scared of being alone for the rest of your life.? Why do you need her? That's not a reason to be with anyone.
I hope you don't end up one of those bitter divorced men either. It's not healthy and it's not attractive. And I understand exactly how you feel because I was mad and resentful and bitter for a really long time too. I almost feel like my anger was an obsession. GAL really helps. Appreciating the things I do have helped. I believe hypnotherapy helped me too with the obsessive thought.
Also from Martin5's thread:
Originally Posted By: Cadet
If you really want to learn there is much information that can be gathered here. Although most people will take my word for it, some need this information to keep moving forward. I know I did.
Knowledge is Power!
Yep, I need to know. But I don't know that it is possible to get the answers without talking to W?
