Not so stuck anymore

[2Times2Many]

Hello Raine. I've read all your old threads and I feel like I'm speaking with a long lost friend. Still, I am so sorry that you find yourself here again. I know what it's like to think you've survived the crisis only to have it come back to suck you in again.

But I'm so done with this situation. I'm ready to take action, any kind of action. I am so done with being in this feeling of stuck feeling like I have to wait on him. And I guess I don't, right? I can just go file for divorce.

This so resonated with me. Without going into a lot of detail, I felt for so long that I was stuck. I even had people tell me that. It took a long time for me to realize that I wasn't stuck, that I had the power to change my course anytime I want and that most of what I did in my life, I did because I choose to.

The hard part is that once you realize that, the world sort of opens up to you and you have to figure out just where to go, what to do, what is best for you and your kids.

I've spent a enormous amount of time trying to figure that out for myself and haven't been able to nail it down. It's very frustrating but I believe the answer will come.

I've been in the "I'm so done" camp, too. But I think if you have doubts about pulling the trigger, if you aren't sure what you're doing is the "right" thing to do, if you aren't sure the path you're about to take is the right one, if you're hesitating to take that "action," then it's best to put things on the back burner until you are sure. I don't believe in running "from something" like our H's MLC. I believe we need to run "to" something ... the answer to that dilemma above. Once you are comfortable with where you are running "to," then make it happen. Until then, maybe it's best to just to sit for a while, if you can.

I wanted to run away, too. I wanted to get in my car and drive off to some place where no one knew me and no one could find me. It was such an enticing fantasy. But if I did that, wouldn't I be doing exactly what my H has done? I don't want to go there.

And like you, I don't want whatever this is right now. But I realize I have to figure out what it is exactly that I do want before I get in that car and drive off into the sunset.

Many, many {{{hugs}}} to you my sister.