Men like to be needed by their woman. It's not that they don't want an equal, but it gives them a purpose. And with how many women walk away from marriages and decide they don't need men, I can see why men might try to 'protect' themselves by having a woman dependent on them financially. That doesn't work anyway, XW proves that because between divorce attorneys and government help no one truly suffers consequences for their choices in our country anyway.
I know you'll have to spin a little, but I'd really try to avoid diagnosing WAH. Family of origin issues, personality disorders, faulty belief systems, all of that. It's a very destructive road to go down. When you find yourself thinking about it let go of those thoughts.
Not that I'm defending him. I'm on record of saying that I put WAS's at the same level as murderers, they effectively killed your spouse and destroyed your family. No reason to defend that action. But the emotions that drive that chain of thought are all pretty negative and come from a dark, dark place.
Instead replace those thoughts with things you are appreciative in your life. Appreciation has been my savior. I could look at the gaping hole in my soul, but instead I choose to focus on what I have been given. The more I focus on what I've been given the more fulfilled I have been, much more than before. But though I have 'less', I've been forced to learn to appreciate what I have, and that has been a blessing and has made my life better.
I know you are at rock bottom so I'm not chiding you. Just remember, one measure of a person is how they behave at their worst. This is your worst. Time to show your beliefs by how you conduct yourself, even privately, during the worst pain you'll hopefully ever experience in your life. It's normal to think about this a little, but don't feed that fire.
Keep posting P. We are all here with you.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
