What would I do without you guys? Huggies (the warm kind with arms, not the diapers) for Dazed and Bill...I said yes. I've been sitting here tonight looking at old college pics and deciding I am not so ugly after all! I've also been jamming out to loud techno tunes on my headphones.
My god...you know what? I had a GOOD day today...omg. How crazy is that? I actually had a good day! WOOOOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOO!!!!
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
H came home last night, really late as promised, but who the hell cares? I was asleep anyway. We snuggled and such, shared about our days. He told me about some woman who hit on him at work, and asked if he was dating anyone. He told her, "actually, I'm married." Kinda cool that he shared that with me, hm? Something I think is really, really important here...acting like him sleeping at the house when I am there is no big deal. Goals for right now... 1) Go buy some Merlot! I have a huge craving for a glass or two of it, and I still haven't bought any. 2) Work mebbe a little on picking up the house, even though it's half-empty and I am still mostly planning on not living there. 3) Be upbeat, independent, happy around H. 4) Attempt to recognise the genuinely good days and beautiful moments in my life - there are lots! Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
"Bright ruby-red. Black raspberry, game, mint and roasted nuts on the expressive nose. Sweet, thick and pliant in the mouth, with notes of black raspberry, boysenberry and dark chocolate, plus a distinct hint of confiture. Very merlot. Long finish features ripe tannins and sweet oak."
97 was my favorite. This set the standard for me and all other merlots.
Mmmmmmmmmmm...that sounds absolutely delicious. I am going to have to look for some. Not being a regular wine buyer and my town being the Armpit of America, I may have to search. But I will find some!
No one has ever described me as complex before - I am taking it as a compliment! Hug with a Squeeze of Lemon... Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Myrrh, Just wanted to say that I appreciate your reply on Betsey's thread. And, to say that you are doing a good job here. Don't question everything, just "be." It's the only way to go.
Pam - Thank you for that vote of confidence. It is so hard for me to not question, but to trust things to unfold as they will. Things make no sense to me right now, and so I want to do my "bull in a china shop" routine, and start stumbling around, knocking things over.
We talked about moving my couch/bed in on Sunday, so I will be here at the house until then. I feel realy restless right now, and that is a dangerous spot for me to be in. If you recall, it was my growing agitation that made me start crazymaking again.
For me...peace brings anxiety, and a lot of "what if?" kind of thoughts. The basic question here is...how can I make this pattern lead to a different ending? What is the very first step I need to take to make things different?
Well, what would I normally do when I feel this way? I would start trying to get in touch with Dustin, maybe calling him a lot. I would start obsessing about him being with other women, or planning to be with other women, or planning for a divorce.
I would get slowly afraid, then slowly angry, and not do anything that I wanted to have accomplished around the house. I would feel and act insecure, and beg either verbally or with my actions for reassurances.
He has not said he doesn't want me to move out. He hasn't said he doesn't want a D. And a lot of the time I feel clueless. I love sleeping next to him and waking up with him in the morning. I love being allowed to touch him, and to kiss him, and to make love to him. Thinking about leaving really hurts, and I shared with someone today that I am starting to feel like a WAW. But he has not said anything about me not moving out, and neither have I.
This is really hard. I will probably post more after I watch The Swan (new reality show), because I seem to be doing a lot of thinking tonight, and anything that keeps me from acting like a freak is good at this point, I think. More later, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
