Focus on me and my boys

[J5K]

Painter,

There is no financial agreement in place. STBX feels her job is a SAHM so we have been a single income family since we have been M. She could not get a job until she became a US citizen and made every excuse to not get one after she became a citizen. I shrugged it off as she kept everything in tip top shape at home. Soon after we became foster parents, adopted and started our family.

The only way to make this better is to give her the gift of raising the boys and for me to move to Toronto to be present for my sons. I could put an agreement together to get it done but idk what is better. I always had a concern on how we would survive in Toronto but was willing to take the chance. Little did I know that was her exit strategy from this MR with the help of her enabling mother.

Whether I stay here in Michigan or move up there I feel my recovery of the loss of the M will take the same amount of time. But moving up there would be keeping my commitment to her and showing her that I still care and love her since her LL is acts of service. I struggle as to how much of this will still make me look like a doormat in her eyes or if she will respect me just as a person and not necessarily and H. But since I found out about the PA that she basically threw in my face I don't feel like she deserves to cake eat anymore than she has.

I hurt so much everyday for my boys and for how she is being spiteful to me for my mistakes. I am losing the energy to fight for them but am doing my best.

My L keeps pushing me to stay the course. Summer is soon upon us and these 5 little guys will be in an apartment complex and will want to run around all day. STBX does not take them to parks here. Her excuse is that there is sand at one park and that she saw needles yet this little town is an upper middle class area. She will not let the boys be boys.

The parks in Toronto have padding to protect the kids as they play so that is what she is used to. I was so excited about moving and wished that she would have been a little more patient with me. I reacted emotionally and hurt her and now she just pushes back and hurts me more with this PA which I have told her I forgive her. I know I don't deserve it and neither does she. I cannot allow her sense of entitlement run this family whether D'd or not.

I guess I will have to plan enough activities and GALing with the boys this summer to ensure we are not stuck in a small apartment. At least there is a swimming pool there for them to have a great time as they love the water.