My third post - please be nice

[collin]

Well...today is her move out day. But, I don't feel so doom and gloom as I did yesterday, let me tell you why:

So, last night when she got home I was lying on the couch. She asked me a question (I can't remember what is was now - something irrelevant) and I sat up to answer her. Looking at her I was overwhelmed with emotion so I got up and went to another room to cry. She came and found me and walked up to me and we shared a big hug and shared a cry. We got to talking and I told her that I need to make some changes for me. I told her, even if she wasn't in the picture, I needed to do some changing. She said that it was good I was doing it for me. Then she said she was in a really bad place now emotionally and needed to work on her to get herself back right emotionally. She said she hates who she has become and needs to work on it. I asked her when we hang out during the next 6 months will we be husband/wife or will we be dating. She said "dating, i'd like that" and smiled.

This morning on my way into work I called her to thank her for our talk she said, there's no need to thank me, that's part of being married. Hearing her say that filled me with joy. I sort of feel like she hasn't given up on our marriage. I am so thankful that she is giving me this 6 months to bust my butt so I can be the best me I can be. I told her that our first 5 years have been very tumultuous and 6 month break can be exactly what our marriage needs to thrive in the future.

But, this isn't to say I can just rest on my laurels and think all I have to do is wait on the next 6 months and everything will be hunky dory. I have to better myself. I must better myself. Because I know that if I don't, there won't be an us after 6 months. I would have just let her down...again...

Another thing, during our talk I told my W that another thing I am grateful for is that I can use the next 6 months to work on my relationship with my D. My D is my W's D from her first marriage. I fell head over heels in love with that little girl and adopted her when she was 7 (her bio wasn't a part of her life). Now she is 12 and a combination of her hormones and the strain between my W and I have caused us to drift apart. Every now and then if we're watching TV she'll sit beside me lean against me and I love that feeling so much. My W and I tried to have kids of our own and couldn't. My W and D are near about identical in the way they act and look. My W joked and said you'll have a mini version of her to practice on dealing with for the next 6 months. I need to figure out things that an almost teenager girl will enjoy doing and go do them with her. My W said this is a very important time in the relationship between my D and I and what happens now will determine if we are close or distant in the future. My W wasn't really close with her father as a teenager and their relationship has only started getting better the past few years.

PINK, you said you you were going to bother me to make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing. So, I'm counting on you to hold me accountable.

Ok, well, my nights are going to be real quiet the next few months so I'll have more time to be on here instead of being on here at work (like I am now). I just wanted to share the most recent happenings.