JOB, I would like to know how I can find Never Give Up thread.
Hi all... just an update to keep you informed of the insanity.
On sunday I picked up XH's stepmother and her husband at the airport. They are here to visit us and for S18 graduation. XH decided to schedule a last minute business trip and told me he wouldn't be in town during the time they are here.
So, it is up to me to babysit them. I do not complain much about it because this people love and care for my kids and I really appreciate that. But by other hand, it is awkward and really tiring for me since I have work, graduation, college stuff and them altogether this week.
I guess it is another MLC signature. XH is avoiding some family members right now. His real mother called me last week to find out how he is doing because she hasn't hear from him for awhile and she is worried.
About help with anything, well forget it. He is not involved in all college admission process, not involved in anything related to S18's graduation and the party. He is just oblivious to what is going on in his kids lives right now. Not even involved in S16's football that is full speed and lots of commitments right now.
Maybe this is MLC or maybe he just gave up on it all. I don't really know. I just know that the heavy load is really heavy and is wearing me out.
He was at the house picking up the kids, brought some hamburgers and buns and told me he bought that for me and the kids. He was looking sad, depressed and really, really skinny. He actually looks pretty ugly right now. He lost too much weight, put 20years on his face in the last 2 years. It is just very sad to see what is going on with him.
But he is still on his own journey and does not give me any sign he would like to come back home. I guess he is still feeling very sorry for himself.
He does not pay his part for the kids expenses until I ask him. I gave him a check he was supposed to deposit in his account and transfer the money to my account and never heard about it again. His stuff is still in my garage.
I am not really criticizing him. I am just stating that he is not himself at all. Sometimes I think he is getting even worse because he is not with OW and is even more depressed now.
I really do not know what to do and I think that it is better to keep my distance and do absolutely nothing.
I don't feel anxious around him anymore. I basically tried many times to see him as a neighbor and the last few times I saw him lately, I felt just like that, a neighbor.
I still care for him, but I now can just ignore that he is in the same space I am. I even noticed that it kind of bother him that I treat him with distance. Well, I guess he will eventually realize that it is what he asked for.
I still feel a lot of pain. Sometimes I miss him terribly, some other times I actually feel good being by myself. I really don't know what I feel deep in my heart for him. I just know that I am so busy I don't have much brain space and time to dedicate it to him.
Is this detachment? I think it is. I think I am finally getting there. I can walk into a room and know he is there and it does not change a thing anymore.
That I did let go? No, I did not. But I also don't know if I want to be with him any longer. I am going through another stage of this long, very long process.
Well, that's is about it this time, see you later. God bless you all.
