My nice guy was always helpful to everyone, friendly, likable, exhausted himself trying to make everyone happy.He "stuffed" his bad feelings and wouldn't communicate them, but I could see that he was unhappy for years....just couldn't draw it out of him. And then the bomb was dropped.
He is a middle child and son of a controlling father, and a mother whose only goal was to be a mom. He watched his mom complain about and sometimes even physically attack his dad growing up, but to everyone else (I didn't even know this until recently) his dad just was very loving to her and she basked in it. A "perfect" marriage. Just like ours.
I never spoke badly of him, or attacked him; never felt controlled, but I was co-dependent. At some point he felt he couldn't make me happy so, as he says, he stopped trying (not totally, as he was my H and felt responsible to "try"...still does as its his nature). But he shifted to trying to be everyman for everyone else. Especially other women. One in particular became his "best friend" (replacing me), but he liked others too. He gravitated to other women at social gatherings as he felt he didn't fit in with the guys (he grew up one of three boys). He gets a charge out of being the perfect man in their eyes...and its still not enough for him. He's tired, depressed and feels unappreciated. Unfulfilled. Unloved. He uses the word "failure" a lot.
I've noticed more recently, since our separation, that he is speaking to his brothers more. Forging friendships with men again. So maybe he's working on his issues. I know he's starting to work on his issues with his dad.
I'm very appreciative, Blu and Unbowed, for the book referral. I look forward to reading more of it. And learning.
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
