When Mr. W. asks me that magical question my patent answer is "Busy". If he asks for elaboration I merely remind him that we have kids... you can just say, "Rhane". It says nothing but implies anything but.
Keep going! GO YOU!
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Well, I know that to some of you going without contact for half a day would not be weird, but at this point and for me, it is.
Especially when I had told him I might get in touch with him to have him take care of our S - my normal thing to do would be to call him anyway, just because I knew he would be available, to confirm with him that I didn't need him. I didn't do that today. I haven't even attempted to call him. And I'm okay.
If I could actually do this for one day, it might be the start of a 180 for me. I was reading a book last night called Something More: Excavating Your Authentic Self, and it talked about how making life changes is merely a series of tiny choices, consciously made each day.
Well, here's my conscious choice for today. Just for today, I am not going to attempt to contact my H. We both deserve a breather, and maybe it will give us both some clarity. Maybe I will be able to continue it into tomorrow... Who knows, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Well, H called me around two and chatted with me for about fifteen minutes about someone misquoting him in an interview he gave on the new legislation that is supposed to lower the legal age for getting a tattoo to 18 (it's currently 21). He talked about that, and I asked if he wanted S tonight alone, and I would go stay at the apt.
He said he had some things to do, and his partner and he needed to talk about their response to the misrepresentation in the article. I was gracious about it - we didn't have any set plan for him to get S tonight, but Tuesday will be one of his days with him once we get into a routine. Well, after getting an e-mail from him with some pictures I asked for, (to which I replied simply "thanks"), I went home from work and had a msg from him on my machine.
He wants me to pick out a nice outfit for him to wear to the bank tomorrow so he can apply for this business loan he has been talking about. He said "if I can get it, it will solve all our problems!" I called him back as he requested in his message, and at one point asked him "what problems specifically?" He mentioned bankruptcy, and any "bills we might have." He didn't specifically mention the D word, and neither did I, but I don't know if I am supposed to read that into it or not. Maybe he actually thinks I want this D - I don't know why he would think that, but if he is seriously asking me to pick out clothes so he can go apply for money that is going to finance a D...god, I don't know. I am sad and angry.
He has no idea that I feel this way. I was very pleasant and upbeat on the phone, and told him I would see what I could find. He also told me he is working on getting an appt so he can get a prescription for ADD meds. He mentioned that he was going to invite the little guy and I down there for dinner, but the shop got really busy.
Anybody have any thoughts here? I am VERY confused. Is he going to ask me to pick out clothes for our divorce hearing, too? Am I ASSuming? Some input, PLEASE! Hugs, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Hi, I am somewhat confused by what is going on here. What type of loan is he considering? Is this with his partner? Can we determine if you are involved, or in any way responsible being a spouse? In my experience, dealing with business and personal loans ranging from hundreds to millions, the business loans are far more difficult to qualify for. And worse, the quick fix type business loans can be for several points to tens of percentage points above normal bank loans.
Be careful and look at the fine print. There is a 'rule of 72' for quick reference. Take the interest rate and divide 72 by the rate (ie 72 / 6 points = about 12 years for principle to DOUBLE). But at 24% only 3 years.
This might be unnecessary to review, but beware quick fix schemes.
On the emotional level, would hubby be using terms like 'OUR problems' and 'bills WE might have' if on a gut level he was still thinking of you as a couple?
Men don't ask for help just for fun. He is pulling you into his life by asking a favor. What does it hurt to help him with the clothes?
Dazed - Let me clarify - the loan would be actually applied for through his business (which is incorporated to protect us from loss, etc), so I wouldn't be responsible for it, but that was an extremely good question. The lender is one of the more reputable banks in the area, so he at least has a chance for a better interest rate. I got his clothes picked out for him, although he didn't come by until around 11pm.
And he stayed at the house. Again. Much snuggling and loving behavior...although S was again waking up all night, and H expressed some anxiety about having him alone. I asked him jokingly if he wanted me to teach S to rub his head, and he said, "no, that's your job."
Life is weird. Very, very weird. Oh well, I am just going with the flow right now. Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
sometimes that's all you can do, Myr-go-with-the-flow-lo. On days you can put up with the craziness, it's best to just let it slide. There are other days that are hard (as you know); save your energy for them.
Bill.
"you are who you chose to be" - Iron Giant
Link To CURRENT Sitch
Doing some major processing today re: my attitude toward the stuff Dustin does that irritates me and creates resentment. My boss (who can be helpful at times) gave me a more detailed diagnostic criteria in question format for ADD. WOW! It was like someone sat down and made a nearly complete list of everything about Dustin that drives me crazy and inflates my resentment...
My God, folks, what if he can't help some of this stuff that drives me nuts? He has really worked hard at being more honest with me, and while our M is by no means a sure thing right now, he is still working hard at being loving and supportive.
When he says "I can't be what you need me to be" maybe he is freaking right! Maybe my demands, which to me are completely resonable, are sometimes overwhelming and frightening to him...no matter what happens with our M (as a very wise lady e-mailed me a couple days ago) I will always have H in my life, so it would help me if I could learn a different way to see my H.
The way I see it, DBing is at least 50% attitude, and 50% action...the one feeds the other. So today I guess I am working on my attitude. Hugs to all, Myrrh
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Okay, folks - I need some input... At first I thought he felt guilty, and then that he was just trying to be nice about things, but this is officially WEIRD! I told him that I was going to go ahead and stay at the apt, and he says "why? you can stay here..." Me: But then you'd have to sleep at the shop. H: I don't have to sleep at the shop. I will probably be really late though, since i am working on that business plan. You know what that cinnamon bread we got would be great for? Me: Breakfast? H: (Big smile) Exactly. WTF?!? Yeah, okay - big blue ribbon prize for being the most bizarre guy alive...what do I do when my H specifically requests that I spend the night at the house?
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
Okay, folks - I need some input... At first I thought he felt guilty, and then that he was just trying to be nice about things, but this is officially WEIRD! I told him that I was going to go ahead and stay at the apt, and he says "why? you can stay here..." Me: But then you'd have to sleep at the shop. H: I don't have to sleep at the shop. I will probably be really late though, since i am working on that business plan. You know what that cinnamon bread we got would be great for? Me: Breakfast? H: (Big smile) Exactly. WTF?!? Yeah, okay - big blue ribbon prize for being the most bizarre guy alive...what do I do when my H specifically requests that I spend the night at the house?
One moment of patience may ward off great disaster. One moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.
It was like someone sat down and made a nearly complete list of everything about Dustin that drives me crazy and inflates my resentment...