Have i been making mistakes too long part 8

[tkdmme]

V,

My plan is to go back to AA. It is really embarrassing though. I am supposed to be a man and be able to control myself at all times but the truth us that I cant. I have to get help with this.

The W is gone and will not be returning and that is ok. I don't miss her anymore but I miss being a part of a family.

I have no excuse for my actions at this point. I know that what I have been doing is self destructive. Im just overwhelmed. W keeps enrolling the kids in to camps and has signed an agreement for the use of their neighborhood pool. Im financially tapped out. I want the kids to have everything they deserve but its breaking me. She has left me with a complete mess of a house. She was a pack rat and refuses to come get her things. I feel paralyzed and cant seem to get the ball rolling on getting the house on the market. I need to get out of the house. their are too many memories.

All three of the kids are in private school and I cant afford it. Im falling behind on payments. The AC broke down at the house and I had to get it repaired $500. It seems that everything cost 500 these days.

As far as drinking, im pretty proud of myself. The new people I have been associating with are toxic. They called me all night last night trying to get me to come drinking. I was able to refuse and had a sober night for the first time in a while. Actually got some much needed rest.

My D12 had a choir concert last night. I managed to get through it although it was very difficult to see the soon to be ex. she looks so happy and like none of this is bothering her. D12 won another award. Im so proud of her.

I am trying to make it through the week with no alcohol. Im booked to play Friday night and it really scares me. If I can make it through a night of playing without drinking, I would be so proud of myself.

Sorry for the long post