I'm scared that I will end up one of those people bitter and alone for the rest of their life!
from what I've seen, those people live a $hit life because they refuse to move on from the past and can't accept and forgive. they get stuck in all of thier hurt and pain.
you asked me a question about loving wife enough. I admit for years I did not love her the way she wanted. I did not show thise loving gestures that made her feel loved. I did show her or at least tried to, on my terms.
I know better now. the idea that I went out of my way to prepare a special meal or set up an outing for her came from my heart. ro her, it just came across as something I did. it was not her primary love language so she did not receive it the same way I intended. have you read up on love languages and needs of a.man or woman yet. if not, they are simple books....well worth your time.
yes, i show wife loving gestures all of the time. it is a gentle struggle of trying not to overpuraue her or project my needs by just acting as if i would want things done for me. giving to her unconditionally, without expectations, silent contracts or without a catch. ithe is not easy to learn and there have been times i need to remind myself that love is a choice...we can either chose to give or chose not to. a subtle reminder that it comes from me.
we give because of our love and admiration for our partner, not because what we think we can get from them we give because that is what what i chose to do. we set an example to our children and to our spouses. we don't punish them by withholding love and affection because of something they did or something they said. turns out that is abusive behavior that i am sure many on the LBS side of the fence are guilty of in our old marriages.
my wife has told me that she does feel loved. I know believe only 1/2 her love reserve will never fill back up as long as resentment in her heart is held onto. s9 I practice gratitude and appreciation in hopes she learns that from example to help rid ourselves of that evil little bastardizzone called resentment.
the two concepts overlap so much, it bears repeating. unless you are able t9 let go of all your pain all your anger and resentment towards wife you will never truely be able to love openly, by yourself or by someone else.
we have done that our whole marriage, especially with physical touch (if wifes main love language is not physical touch, as I suspect yours is not, she.may have pretended like a champion or does enjoy the physical, bit that is not thier primary love language and as such does not feel the same importance of those acts as say you or I do) does that make sense?
I promise to get a new thread up today...I've been so terribly busy at work. plus I sort of put myself on notice to stop spending so much time on this site and a coupke others at work...hard to type like this at home, unless I do before all the others get up.
