Not so stuck anymore

[Raine]

Hey job! Thanks for your response

Yes, very interesting how things start to get more clear for H and for me. And you're exactly right. He can see all the positive things. He can see what he is losing. But he doesn't know what he wants or what is wrong or how to fix it. He thought once again that by leaving he would be happier. He isn't. It's worse, but it's not like he is asking to come home or anything like that. He just says he isn't happy. Still angry. Working 60-80 hours a week. His boss/co-workers are noticing how he is short-tempered with people, but he's still performing well. He just got another promotion.

I've been annoyed by him and angry at him and frustrated at him. It's just too much for me to try to do all this and run all of this as a single mom. Yet it is so important to him that I keep this house for me and the kids. And I don't even care. I just don't feel like I care about anything.

So I've been telling him that he has to get his own place. He has to take the kids to his own place during his time, for the full time he should have them, overnight, on the weekends. He just isn't doing anything. I've definitely been angry at him.

I've told him he is using me and I'm not okay with that. Because I'm working, he is taking advantage of me. Because I'm working we can pay for his rent plus the house and everything else. I am not working to support this situation, where he does whatever he wants, keeps the facade that he is providing all this for his family, and then in this room situation where he can't be responsible to take the kids. I feel like the cost difference between a room and a 2 bedroom apt is not that big of a deal and even if it was, it's just the way it is. This is how it is when people get divorced. You have responsibility for the kids. You don't go live like a college student. I've told him it is not okay and it's not okay for the kids to see this and think it's okay. I told him I will not pay for another month of this and he has to get his own place. I've put down on our synced calendar that he has the kids overnight on his night starting in June. I don't know what else I can do. Start staying in a hotel room on the nights he is supposed to have the kids? That's about all I can think of. He won't go get a place, then I'll start blowing even more money than the cost of him staying in apartment.

He scheduled appointments with his therapist starting in July. So that's good at least. But I'm so done with this situation. I'm ready to take action, any kind of action. I am so done with being in this feeling of stuck feeling like I have to wait on him. And I guess I don't, right? I can just go file for divorce.

And yes, I know, just worry about me and the kids, but a huge part of this is the kids and this situation. It's not right for them that he isn't taking them for the time he should. And I feel unstable and on edge because everything seems so up in the air. It's not a day to day thing. Day to day I'm dealing with work and landscapers and projects and the kids. But "he" is still there and I'm assuming always will be.

He tries to go out of his way for us, shows up at places he knows I'll be, wants to go to dinner and do things as a family. Like still be a part of the family and everything else, just sleeping in two different houses. It's just weird and it [censored] me in. I feel a lot of emotion towards him. This boiled mess of sympathy and anger.

And maybe that's because I'm going through my own crisis. My own crisis of faith and how I feel about things, everything, way beyond just him. I just want to quit my job, quit everything, take the kids, and run away somewhere, just anywhere. Whatever this is right now, I don't want it.