Cil, are you really going back to school for that? Haha. I have NOOOO interest in that. I deal with enough psych issues every time I walk into work. Sigh. People are confusing and it's terribly complicated to try and sort out these messes. Honestly, I am moving into the space of not wanting to see therapists, not wanting to analyze our sitch anymore, but to just move on to bigger and better things. I am finally in a place where I want to GAL and want to detach! I need to accept that yeah, H is here, it's not perfect, it never will be, but I accept what happened, and to move forward.

I also feel like I need to be careful giving advice and feedback here. Everyone's sitch is complicated and different. I am no vet and no expert. I have managed to come out on the other side--or am making my way there--but that was not because I did some amazing job at DB, it was also the situation that I was in. In fact, I blew it all the time. I went off on that man so many times! I cried, yelled, sent nasty texts, then cried, pleaded, and then to make up for it would ignore him. So yeah, I can tell you now that that really doesn't work and it will also make you feel worse about yourself. Don't do that people.

There were differences between what I saw H doing versus what he was thinking while he was in the fog and off with OW. He told me he was done, wanted D, and that he was moving on. I pursuaded him somewhere in the middle to leave her, but it only lasted for about 6 weeks and he was a complete mess. We never worked on things. He felt it would never work and he ran back. He did not show me much doubt. He acted like he was trying to protect me and never wanted to give me false hopes, so he didn't come to me or throw me crumbs. Once he came back he was all in. He has since told me that he was full of doubt the entire time, always knew it was wrong, and didn't think that R would ever go anywhere. He never told me that. But his actions, his actions showed his doubt. ... Isn't that what they say?

-Blu

“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela