DDJ, glad to hear seeming tragedy has evaporated and your are on a positive swing now.
Please be very cautious on this trip, don't let everyone's emotions be a recipe for disaster. Keep detached from her, but make sure S4 always sees you as being respectful to her.
Stay away from booze even if you see WW overindulging. Focus on S4 and make it a memorable time for him to remember with Daddy and Gradma. If mommy joins in all the better.
You and your family are in my prayers.
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
So WW wakes up this morning and says, "why am I doing what I'm doing?". I ask "what are you doing?" she says, "the going out and the partying, why am I doing that?". I said "i don't know why you're doing it, but it is your choice".
Later at breakfast, she asks if I've reconsidered the whole budget thing. I say no, I made my decision a few days ago and now I'm sticking to it.
So in terms of dropping her. I have dropped her physically and intimately. I have dropped her financially. There is only one drop left... Emotionally.
I need to move out for myself, not indefinitely, just to get some breathing space and a different perspective. I do not need to be around someone that does not care for me.
Off to the falls to zipline. Sooo excited! Dinner cruise on the zambezi tomorrow evening. What a great holiday.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
The zipline was insane, went down with my mother and WW went by herself. Was nice bonding with my mother.
I'm feeling real good about the future. Heard my XGF and I official song and was thinking of how I threw away two and a half years of her life. I kept throwing hooks and she kept biting. I just simply dropped her when I met my WW.
That was a good distraction... WiFi on again and first call by WW again to OM2, still in earshot and still friends. Very flirty though tonight. Anxiety kicking in. Taking it in. Breathing.
I feel sad for her, I've distanced so much during this trip. She does appear a bit lost. Yes, that's attachment speaking and I know that it will pass. She's not come onto me yet, so I'm happy that my boundaries are made clear.
It's going to be back to the rut on Monday night so hopefully I can keep this calm demeanour.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I'd like to dedicate this post to my mother. She's the strongest person I know. She had a WH, became a WAS in the second marriage.
She is the rock that is helping me to find myself. She gave me the values and the morals which I chose to turn a blind eye to, but is there now to remind me who I really am.
Last night I put our son to sleep. My WW was passed our from the alcohol. She slept in the lounge so that I did not have to sleep in the same room as my WW. She is the apitomy of unconditional love.
Thank you God for great parents. I know that I will be one too.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Sorry to hear, but very true Blueboy, what they stand for cannot be lost in death.
Just an update on my goals; it's been 8 weeks since BD...
4 weeks since i dropped porn 3 weeks since i dropped alcohol 2 weeks since i dropped sex
I feel like a new person. A person with purpose and more in control of myself, and less in control of others.
So here's my update from my most fantabulous holiday...
I felt as though I went with a work colleague. The closest she got was a stolen kiss on my naked shoulder - i guess it's an overly flirtatious colleague then.
On the plane back, she sat next to me, looked me in the eyes (with hers looking real lost), slowly rubbed the stubble on my chin (as she's done forever), and said "I miss you". I looked deep into her eyes and I said, "I know". I then pulled my face away and looked the other way. I know i've come a real long way... too far too soon perhaps?
I know that God has put this challenge in my life so that I can turn a vicious cycle virtuous. I feel that God is trying to tell me that I need to leave my WW behind whilst I find myself and move forward. This does not mean D, it's just dropping her and focusing on myself and what makes me happy. Who knows where that will take me, all that I do know is that my M and R is over. A new one can be reborn, but not before both of us find ourselves and solidify what we stand for. Who knows? God does.
As I posted on AndrewPs thread, i'm going to spend less time here to issue 2x4's to myself, through posting on other peoples threads. Counter-intuitive. LOL
I am yet to go to al-anon as i've been busy on sundays, but am going to make a plan for Sunday at 3pm. I think that it will be good for the spirit.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
DDJ just caught up on your posts. Sounds like you did exceedingly well. I've read about a guided separation that can even be administered by a minister of a church. Google it and maybe consider it.
You strength and self control during this trip is admirable btw. Thanks for sharing your days.
Good luck!
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
My anxiety came back a little this morning on the way to work and now during a meeting. I know exactly where it comes from though - i was thinking about her. I was thinking how my life would be without the person that I pledged my entire being to.
It makes me sad. But i know where it comes from and I know how to walk away from that place. Focus on me, be in the moment. Be myself with myself. I do not need a WW to make me whole.
I've decided to not take the meds that the doctor gave me. If i am going to beat this then i need to be of a sober mind. I prayed for a good nights rest before i went to sleep. I awoke at 5am, mind racing, tummy grumbling from hunger. I knew that a hungry tummy would not allow me to sleep. I went to the kitchen, ate an apple quickly. Then lay in bed and focused on my breathing whilst humming a song in my head - no space for WW. I quickly feel asleep. As I was getting done for work, I closed my eyes and thanked God for the sleep, I cried so happy I was for the blessing of sleep.
Appreciate the little things hey.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
