have i been making mistakes too long part 7

[StepUp]

@tkdmme

Your honesty to expose your drinking problem is a great step.

[tkdmme]

I know doodler. I have seen one several times already and have was in counseling for a year or so.

My problem is the drinking. Until I can stop that nothing will get better.

[Sotto]

Hi TK, good for you to come back and post. From what you say, you have been engaged in some 'running' behaviours - namely women and booze. It's good that you realise these things won't give you the answers and the peace of mind you seek.

If you have been having dark thoughts, can I suggest you see your doctor and tell them how you've been feeling? Hopefully a good support plan can be agreed for you.

It sounds as though the booze is a priority just now. Would you consider joining a support group for that and restarting the IC?

Also, Pigpen has achieved sobriety and growth during difficult times. Reading his thread may help you perhaps?

Keep posting.....remember that all is not lost and you can move forward from right where you are. We are here for you xx

[cubebot]

My problem is the drinking. Until I can stop that nothing will get better.

I agree with you and it's good that you see this. Alcohol will take you to places that you don't need to be. It is good that you see this. Are you seeking help?

[tkdmme]

I really don't know what to say folks.. you all have been so understanding and supportive even when you all are facing the same emotional problems as I am. Its so awesome to know that there are caring people out there who don't judge.

I feel that I am constantly under the microscope. From WAW and her family. I am a good person and have never been this out of control before. She and my children were all I lived for and now that they are gone, I really don't know what to do. All of the new "friends" I've been making are alcoholics too and use me as their entertainment. I fall for it every time.

Im over whelmed by my job, the fact that I have to get my house ready to sell, the failure of my marriage, and the fact that I am still feeling awful. I just don't know how its possible that I will ever feel happiness again.

And yes I am planning to join AA again. The first time I went I looked around and thought that I didn't have near the problem those folks did. It sneaks up on you before you know it. Its an evil force and its killing my mind and my body.

I don't really miss the W anymore. Its just the idea of loosing my family. I enjoyed the role of husband and father and miss it dearly. W refuses to come get her things. I have packed up most of them so I don't have to look at them all the time but the house still seems haunted. She is so uncaring and expects me to just get over it and I want to but cant seem to.

My D12 has a play tonight so I will have to see the WAW and all her family. These things hurt too. I sit alone and they are all together smiling and loving their lives.

D12 also turns 13 on Wednesday. I have them for a while on Wednesdays so im planning to get a cake for her and throw a small party. Just the four of us.

Anyway, sorry for the long post and thank you all so much for being here.

[MoveFrwd]

She and my children were all I lived for and now that they are gone, I really don't know what to do.

I enjoyed the role of father and miss it dearly.

I dont understand why you say that your children are "gone"? Are you not still their father? I understand that you cant see them whenever you want to. But that doesnt diminish the role you have in their lives.

Im over whelmed by my job, the fact that I have to get my house ready to sell, the failure of my marriage, and the fact that I am still feeling awful. I just don't know how its possible that I will ever feel happiness again.

Theres a saying about how to an elephant. One bite at a time! Cn you start making daily task lists for yourself of the things you want to get done? At work. At home. And so on. Checking things off a list will help you feel accomplished and proud.

Also, have you watched the TED talk by Shawn Achor on the Happiness Advantage? If not, I highly recommend it.

[tkdmme]

I know they are not gone and that I am still their father but its just so much different now.

I haven't heard of TED. I will look it up though.

[Sotto]

Hi TK, AA sounds like a good plan. None of us gets to decide what our spouses ultimately do, but the R with your kids will continue and sobriety will help you be the best Dad possible to them.

I agree on the Shawn Achor talk - and trying out his happiness plan for a couple of weeks would be a great idea. I had a low day recently and I set aside an hour and did his 5 'happiness' activities - thankful for 3 things, journal about something nice, get out for exercise, meditate and do a random act of kindness. It turned me right around that day.

Keep on posting and moving forward my friend - you can do this xx

[SH_]

And after the Shawn Achor tedtalk check out Matthieu Ricard and his tedtalk The Habit of Happiness.

[tkdmme]

I listened to the ted talk. Very interesting perspective.

I just received some text messages from one of the new "friends". Wants me to go out again tonight. I think I made her mad but told her that I was trying to stop drinking and that I didn't think it was a good idea to continue spending time with her.

I hate to hurt people but I have to do this for me and my kids.

Thank you all for the support