It's okay/good to have the life talk with her, and when she turns it into an R talk, just keep focus on the "life" part of it, and turn back to the ownership of debts/assets. right?
If you're going to have a "life" talk then it's going to be an R talk. You're just euphemising.
The reason everyone suggests no R talk is because it's usually useless and fruitless. The problem is that she's not rational right now; she may believe she has a friend and not an EA partner and so on as so forth. That doesn't mean that you can't try and then see where it goes. I think that typically R talk just makes both spouses feel worse, but sometimes you have to have some R talk, and if that's what you do then mentally prepare yourself for a let-down.
