A Glass of Myrrlo

[Lyrael]

Bill-
It is always wonderful to have gentlemen riding to my rescue on white horses. He isn't necessarily a fool, just very confused, and has some problems of his own. As do I.

Maybe someday I will meet someone I just click with. Right now, though, evena pleasant phone call with my H makes me smile. There was a reason I wanted to be with him - as hard as it is for him to stay comitted, he has never completely deserted me. He has betrayed me, lied to me, and hurt me more than anyone I have ever known, but I am willing to bet he would say the same of me. He has never turned his back on me when I needed him.

He makes me laugh, and appreciates my goofy humor. He calls me his baby moose (long-legged and clutzy), but still can make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He believes in me, and supports me whenever I try to do something, and wants to protect me from everything that would try to hurt me.

There are so many things about him that I would be proud to have echoed in my son as he grows, and I trust that he will have learned hard lessons well enough that he will want to help our son avoid some of the mistakes he has made.

For whatever reason, we just can't live together right now. We had a wonderful conversation a little while ago, and when we said goodbye, it was all I could do not to say ILY, but I think he was thinking it, too. Even if we D, I know he loves me and is even still in love with me, and probably will be for a while. He will always be my son's daddy, and so he will always have a special piece in my heart.

I'll survive this. And someday I will be glowing and happy again, and my family will be safe and happy, wherever they are.

I read a great quote in Outlander tonight, about leaving (I am changing the pronouns, though, so "her" is "him") "I prayed all the way up that hill yesterday... Not for you to stay, I didna think that would be right. I prayed I'd be strong enough to send ye away...I said 'Lord, if I've never had courage in my life before, let me have it now. Let me be brave enough not to fall on my knees and beg him to stay.'"
And with that, I am off to bed.
This is the 1980 vintage Myrrlo, signing off...
Myrrh