Had a great time with S at the basketball match and a Saturday evening dinner with friends. On Sunday I ran a half marathon distance for the first time. The trouble is that when I have a good time I feel the loss of W even more. It is hard not have her there to share the experience with. Mind you I suppose she must feel something of that when she hears about our activities. Maybe not who knows? Our financial impasse continues but I'm optimistic that we'll work something out. In her last email she said it would be nice to see me but I deflected that idea away. Soon I'll have to start planning the long summer holidays for S and I. That will bring new problems as we always used to visit W's family and spend time in a small village doing lots of things with everyone. Don't know if S will want to go if W proposes going with OM. Obviously I won't be going. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Trying not to suffer with imagining problems or torturing myself about the past or present. Doesn't help when she appears in my dreams frequently. Last night I dreamt I was on holiday with them both and sister-in-law. Not a great dream! Don't hold out much hope of things changing, I know nothing about her life,thoughts and feelings anymore. It saddens me and I wish I could change things but I can't nor can I move on fully with my life while I still have such strong feelings for her.
