Unstuck

[OFP]

I was re-reading my thread..... Curious how far I have come. Well, the worst days right after BD really aren't documented here, but still interesting to reflect on it.

Here's a post I just re-read and it had even more meaning this time through:

I just wanted to point out that likely your wife is NOT a narcissist...just acting that way. and yes, I did want to point out that she is projecting that on you because she does not want to feel that way about herself.

I read this a few times. It didn't stick. I read it again today, have heard the info from multiple places now, it's starting to stick now. Thanks again for being another source of perspective that has helped on my journey.

So much projection from W!! So much of my self-esteem being effected by W. I always thought of myself as being fairly strong, that I could get through anything. I survived cancer with barely a blink. My kids health issues. W's health issues. Being unemployed for 6 months at a time and barely making ends meet. Why so different with this? Because I drew my strength from my W! No matter what life threw at me, love would carry me through. I relied on her way too much apparently.

I never rehearsed the vows in my head, but I sure lived them. For richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. I guess she twisted those too, thought she was agreeing to "as long as I feel like it, I'll stay, and if we hit a bump in the road, I refuse to put any effort into finding a healthy solution to it, it is someone else's problem to make sure I stay happy."