Hi all I was reading through some of my old posts to try and gauge if I've improved much over the last 18 months
Two things stood out for me , WW and her words / actions have not changed one bit One of my first posts was about WW discribing her feeling s of being lost and losing everything , etc and last week she said exactly the same thing
I point this out because I have seen serious temp checking , almost to the point of WW more or less talking about coming home and while I could have jumped in and embraced the temp checking , I DBed because part of me feels she isn't ready and seeing those old posts only confirms it.
The second thing that was clear to me was how I have gone from an emtional wreck , completely unaccepting of my reality to accepting and dealing with my lot.
I'm luckier than some as WW keeps her life to herself and portrays herself as the one now wrecked and lost. I say portray because believe nothing they say and 50% of what they do I have my kids , pets , home , income and constant regret ( shown but maybe not really felt ) by WW My life has improved in many ways while WWs appears to be a shambles , and while I don't take any pleasure from that , it certainly doesn't hurt either
My reason for posting the above is for any newbies searching for hope. My story may not be a success story just yet but whatever happens in my future , DBing and the kind souls on this forum have got me through it. Yes there's still some sorrow but most of the time I'm good
Anyway , quick update
I have agreed with WW that no more calls , this was 2 weeks ago and true to her word I've only had 6 calls and 4 texts. Two of which were sad in their own way
We also agreed I would be out of the house of Saturday's so she could see kids
WW calls me Friday pm and said it was fine with her if I was in the houseman sat , I told her I had plans so no prob. I'm applying to work in a home for troubled teens every sat pm so I will have proper plans shortly. This week I went to my dads and assembled his new lawnmower
Kids and I have lost a bit of the bonding we had been having so I've been pushing for evenings out. It's tough because the ages range from 11 to 21 and it's hard to find something we can all do. We do go for walks but I wanted something fun so last night we went to a bowling alley ( D11 does not like bowling because she very slight and struggles to put any force behind the ball ) BUT instead of bowling we played Air Hockey / pool , strength tests ( plastic sledge hammer ) and played a game where you put 20cent coins into a machine and it causes ( or doesn't ) more coins to fall off the edge
We all had a great time and ended up staying for two hours During the slot machine game D15 won a five euro note but it got stuck In the machine. We called a member of staff and he couldn't find it so gave us a 5 euro note from the till. Two mins later the original 5 euro note fell out to out to our amazement. I took the note to the same member of staff and explained what had happened and he thanked me for being honest. I didn't tell the kids that if it had been 5 million that I would have ran as fast as my legs would care me !!!!!
Anyway the member of staff duly came back and gave us the 5 euro note back saying he was impressed by our honesty We duly put the money back into the machine over the next ten mins !!!!
We came home , I cooked sausage rolls for their supper and we all fell asleep in front of the tele watching Zoolander 2 It was a fantastic evening that I will treasure because not one of us was anything but happy
