So, enough about W. What are you doing to help focus on you? What is your 50% of this issue? Because as much as we want to be mad, scared, shocked and confused by our spouse's actions, we played a part in this and their leaving was a reaction (in part) to the fear or pain they felt. Maybe re-read what you wrote of her angry "spew", and think about the whys. Communication issues and assumptions are often at play. Lower your defenses for this introspection...no one is watching.
I've done a couple exercises like this already. I found a great worksheet on the website 'ultimate husband dot com', on the left hand side there are some great free resources on "identifying your mistakes","human defense mechanisms","unraveling the mysteries", etc. The "Worksheet" to determine what you did to hurt, was a great tool to use for digging deeper in to what actually happened.
I also did an exercise with a coach in the form of answering a few simple questions (but playing the role of my spouse). Put yourself in your spouses place, and answer these questions as honestly as possible:
1) Who is your spouse as a man? In the relationship? Controlling, Distant? Demanding? Appreciative? Sincere? etc? Has he always been this way? Or was there a change?
2) What frustrates you most about your husband?
3) What do you think you're husband thinks of you? Have you felt in marriage, love, respected, desired, appreciated?
4) What occupies his time, what are his priorities?
5) Do you feel taken for granted? How? Why?
And have been practicing writing down, with new ideas, the following: 1. How she would describe me as a person/man/husband? 2. What frustrates her most about me? 3. How she thinks I see her? 4. What hurts her the most about that? 5. What has been the most painful?
--- I've yet to try the "story" method, but I think with the "putting myself in her place" and answering questions, I have probably visualized a great deal of what I'd come up with. and you're right, it's depressing, and very self-inflicting to find the ways your loved one sees you and how you can be so hurtful/negligent. I am continuing to work on these things and hvae been looking for me "worksheet" type things out there to find new questions to ask myself, if anyone knows of any?
