The start of something new???

[ciluzen]

Glad you contacted someone familiar with the law in your area. Usually that "unfortunate 5%" have extenuating circumstances that make the call more just than the rumor mill (including the press) would lead you to believe. As long as you stay gentlemanly but firm, you should be just fine.

So, enough about W. What are you doing to help focus on you? What is your 50% of this issue? Because as much as we want to be mad, scared, shocked and confused by our spouse's actions, we played a part in this and their leaving was a reaction (in part) to the fear or pain they felt. Maybe re-read what you wrote of her angry "spew", and think about the whys. Communication issues and assumptions are often at play. Lower your defenses for this introspection...no one is watching.

One weird thing that helped me get through the "dark days" (literally dark-winter in the north) was to write every thing I could remember him saying that stood out as strange, negative, or pertaining to my actions, his, or our relationship...as far back as I could remember. I then tried to remember the context. And my reaction. The list kept growing. At my work, we call this an ABC chart. A)precipitating event B)Event/behavior and C)consequence/response. It is an eye opener if you dig deep.

Another thing that helped me to move forward, but really made me very depressed for awhile, was to write "my H's story" of why he left...from his point of view. There are clues. This was a "loving 2x4" suggested by the fellow poster on the newcomer's board, Zues. He's pretty tough, but gives great insights. I took this assignment very seriously and learned a lot about my behavior...and my H's pain.

If this relationship is important to you, you will make strides to get past the initial panic, anger, and shock and start to do the hard work. working on yourself. Its really more than just GAL. That helps your PMA and busies you for a bit. But to truly DB, you need to dig deep within yourself or you'll continue to repeat "mistakes" and behavior that you never knew existed. And I always thought I was a nice person!

Hope you enjoy the rest of your weekend.