Focus on me and my boys

[J5K]

Found a 3 bedroom apartment. Going to fill out paperwork and get it tomorrow. I feel like I am in limbo even more now that I have to move the boys to a place 25 minutes away from their school for two weeks.

I have had a hard time sleeping all week. Not very motivated to do much but I have been GALing seeing friends and doing things with the boys on my nights with them. Still having difficulty focusing at work but I am surviving.

I did find a thread from LIBT that is similar to my sitch. His WW left to another state. They have 2 kids and have a similar custody battle and were going through psych evals also. Luckily for LIBT his WW came back and wanted to reconcile. Still need to find his thread in piecing to see the outcome.

Also had a DB session with a different coach to get a new perspective. Told coach my sitch and she says that STBX and I continue to hurt each other every time we act. The fact that we have kids makes this very difficult.

I received assignments to make an objective list between Michigan and Toronto to see what would be best for the boys.
Was also told to read 4 books which I have read 3. The 4th should be coming this weekend.

DB coach says it is important to have both parents in the same city and have 50/50 custody. I agree with her. I told her STBX has not hit rock bottom due to MIL enabling her and funding her good times.

What I still struggle with is letting go of STBX and accepting she no longer wants to be with me. I don't know and cannot accept that we will be a different family tied by the boys. I still have anger and resentment I guess.

There has been NC between STBX and I all weekend. She drops on me last minute that she has a doctor's appointment next Tuesday in Toronto. Well it's a holiday weekend there and I am sure she is going back for a party of some sort with OM. Since Mondays and Tuesdays are my days with boys I now either need to take vacation days to watch them or find some other means of child care.

I slept in today and went and changed the oil in the car. Out of nowhere I started to cry and mourn the loss of my M again. Came back to parent's house and slept some more. All in all not a good day but I will try and end it better. Trying to stay positive.