A new crossroad reached

[mleigh4]

Hi everyone,

Happy Saturday. This month has been a whirlwind of activities and I can't believe June is around the corner!

So, I am still feeling great, life is good. NC continues with me. H has sent several TM's here and there, but I only reply if absolutely needed. I just have no desire to be his buddy anymore, in my mind, he is my XH. It still feels strange to me that I am here but feels very right. Based on my level of peace and happiness, it was needed, I am very thankful to God and all of you for helping me get to this point.

Last Saturday was our 12 year wedding anniversary. I dropped off S to H like normal, short and sweet and off I go. The meaning of the day actually only popped into my mind a couple of times and not at all when dropping off S! That amazed me. This was the third ignored anniversary, I guess third time is a charm.

I spent that day at a co-workers son's 1 year bday party. I knew no one until another co-worker showed up, but I made conversation and felt comfortable, definitely a change for me.

After, I went to my friends and we all went to their neighbors to bbq. Again, out of my comfort zone, I don't know the neighbors, but I had a great time! We ate, they played instruments, and had some good girl talk. Neighbor is on her 2nd marriage and much happier. I hear this more and more lately, not sure if I am happening to just meet these people who had terrible experiences in their first marriage, or if I am just willing to listen now. At any rate, I announced I am ready to begin dating if I meet someone I am interested in. My friends clapped and hugged me, they confirmed I have tried everything, they loved H too and would hate to see us end, but agree it's time to have some fun.

That next day H had to drop off dog on the way to drop off S at his buddies bday party. I met them out front to get dog. H was mumbling about his pen not working or something. I hugged S, told him I would pick him up in a few hours, got dog and went inside. A minute later, H was at door asking for a pen. I left him at the door, opened a crack, got pen and went back to give to him. He had creeped partially inside and was looking around. Gave him pen, walked him out.

I spent the day cleaning up all my furniture and knick knacks I got for my patio last year and set it all up. Beautiful and so my happy place!! I bought an outside rug to add and also want a water feature to finish it off. My Zen

This week I put air in my tires at the gas station all by myself! Can you believe it cost $1.00 for air!? I also killed the black widow I found living in my garage. S very much enjoyed watching his mom scream in terror while doing that. These were big steps for me, H always handled this stuff.

Wednesday was S open house at school. I had not only written this down on the schedule I gave H, but reminded him the night before when I dropped off S. While S and I were eating before the event, H called. I ignored. I listened to message, it was a butt dial. Then I got TM from him telling me story of S sleepwalking the night before. No mention of open house and I just knew.....I did not reply and sure enough, he was a no show. S seemed fine with it.

The next night, when I dropped off S, I decided to not say anything to H. Why bother? I don't care, what matters is S, and he honestly seemed he could care less. H tried as usual to make conversation with me, but I just don't interact much anymore. I am always polite, I say my goodbye to S and leave. It's not to be mean, or punish him, or looking for a reaction....it's just natural towards someone I don't care much for. Unfortunately, H has fallen into that category.

Last night was S May bbq and faire at school. S never showed an interest to go but this year did. We went and had an absolute blast! He ran around with his buddies and I visited with parents I know. It seems S and I are both coming out of our introvert shells a bit! I also notice I don't feel a big void not having H next to me like I used to. At S school events, I feel proud that I am there, for my S, I am doing what a parent should, even by myself, and I stand tall and proud about it.

Tonight S has another birthday party, he is a busy social boy these days. Otherwise, mellow weekend at home. Next weekend is my reggae festival and I can't wait!

June is looking busy too, but I am really looking forward to our beach getaway in July. So all is good here. I don't plan on having any talk right now with H unless he initiates it. I am still settling in to my new mindset and want to continue so for now. So far so good, this is working well for me. I have written down different versions of what I want to say when the time comes, and tweaked it here and there, and it's very short and to the point. I still also consider this his divorce, his mess he made and his mess to clean up. I am feeling very much at peace with moving on and not doing anything legally until I need to. (like if I meet someone), but I do see this moving to D and I am ok with that. I have no doubt S and I will be fine, if not better than ever.

I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!