Hi Ciluzen, Thank you so much for taking time to respond to my post. You have made some very good points and asked some good questions. My heart is 'all in' in terms of moving forward with this idea of sharing our property etc. Was just writing in my journal how in the past I didn't respect my own needs at times. I would take a nap with him on Sunday afternoons - lovely of course - but sometimes just wanted to go walk or ride my motorcycle (I have a dirt bike) and would feel like I was not being true to myself. That is my best barometer - staying centered on what I need to do and doing it, no matter whether or not it will be 'pleasing' to him. The issue I am struggling with today, is that I know it isn't time to ask him a bunch of questions...as giving him a sense of freedom and space is key right now, but so wanting to ask things about what he MEANS when he says he wants to be 'really good friends'. Thank you for describing boundaries as what I need to create to protect myself emotionally. That is a helpful way to think about it. I am going to an IC and doing a lot of work on my inner self and the parts of me that got lost/stuck back when I was 12 years old, the part that wants to cling and is needy that created the foundation for the codependent behaviors. I've had 6 weeks to start separating that part of me from who I really am, and can now easily FEEL when she, that scared little girl, gets triggered and feels she will DIE if she's abandoned. Well, I was abandoned and I didn't die! I've been reading a book called Mr. Mean about Irritable MAle Syndrome by Jed Diamond and really starting to see what my H may be going through and a lot of it has nothing to do with me. So when I am feeling my most centered and loving I know the way forward is to be his friend. I did not bail on our M even if he has for now. I take the vows I made very seriously. My new motto is 'the best is yet to come'. Hopefully this will prove to be true. In terms of 180's...well thankfully I discovered this site and DR book right after he left, and my intuition told me immediately to not pursue etc, in any way. I went totally dark. So at least I've done a lot of the right things. Now I will have the chance to continue on the 180 path...I will think about this and other 180's I can do in the coming weeks. Thank you and I will check out your posts. Another thing about the codependency - I've really looked at and understand how all the defense mechanisms/coping mechanisms I've learned growing up with an alcoholic mother and then sadly brought into my relationships have NEVER brought me anything that I really wanted. VERY clear about that. Only cause pain and problems. Happy weekend!
