SH asked me to check in on you as he values your support very much. I wanted to read your threads first as I prefer not to welly it.
I can see you are struggling with anger.
There is a process called the Kubler Ross Grief curve, please can you Google it. That's the info bit.
One of the stages through loss and grief is anger, and I for one am very pleased when I read anger as a feature for a poster as it is the end of denial and bargaining. It marks real shift. Shift is different from change. Change is reversible, shift is a position that once you know you can never unknow. It also tells me shift is possible, many posters have stucknees for many years, it leaves them to repeat. Anger says I am substantially a healthy individual in a bad sitch, it bodes well. It is very good news and an indicator the DB process is working for you. You put in the work and anger is the reward of shift. And it is a reward even if it does not seem so.
That point of shift happens suddenly, it's vast movement. And it sometimes never happensfor posters, they resist it and lose the pivot point, the point at which the rocket to the moon boosts out of the atmosphere. It is the fuel.
The event which triggers shift is spell break. Knowing WW is at the concert was one such event, in an instant a light bulb, shift. Knowing that her children come below her selfish A need and OM is shift. It isn't the A that caused it, it is that knowledge that she truly is that selfish and lost. There is nothing you can do about it but observe it and get on with your life and being a great dad.
You, a dad put your kids first, that will mean your anger is as much for them as it is for you.
Anger is good, it is one of the prime emotions. You can't and shouldn't stop or apologise for the feelings. If you want to understand this, I recommend an amazing children's Disney film Inside Out. Go watch it. Make it something you do and then watch with your children, there is much to be learned in it, much metaphor and analogy.
You can love and be angry, you can be sad and be angry, you can have disgust and be angry, you can even be happy and be angry. Any of these emotions in combination.
Having the emotion and acting in accordance with your core values despite feeling anger is where emotional maturity lies.
So you have anger? Watch that anger and observe it.
Where in your body does it come from, what colour is it, it's consistency, does it move, block your throat, make your head pound? You can observe and monitor it. You can know.
There are many types of anger, a little like Red paint can be tinged with other colours. Add black and you have maroon, brooding anger. Add blue and you have regret anger. Add white and you have directed anger, strong directed determination of palest of pale pink. Add green and you have brown anger of envy, and finally add yellow and you have the orange of disgust anger. (These are typical for most, know your own). Anger can be tar like, stuck. It can move quickly round your body, like a wasp. It can blind you and raise your blood pressure. It can be cold and make you unattached from your actions (very dangerous).
You know that unattached is different to detached don't you? One is don't know, don't care and the other (detached) is observer as in that's interesting. I am asking you to move to detachment, get to mindfulness observer mode with your anger and know it's type and what is does for you. Oh yes you can detach from any emotion, you can be mindful observing and have the emotion. That's mature.
So pure Red anger may lead you to actions or words you reget, some things can never be unsaid. Whitest anger will motivate you with love to determination and positive action.
The amazing Zues and I had a very long discussion about anger, Zues is a poster who uses his anger to motivate him, to achieve. He is a master of observation, he detaches from his anger to become a winner, uses the emotion to fuel success and focus. I love Zues attitude to life (it's a secret so he must not know!). I recommend his threads to you. Anger can be powerful for change, justice and just sheer guts. It can be every day sort of grit too.
My anger isn't very strong as an emotion, it's not blocked though, my main emotion is sadness. I wished I had the gift of anger, it's precious so use it. This part of Kubler Ross is motivating. Please use it. So your plan for your anger? Let's see that if you want more shift.
These are my thoughts, I would like to see you describe this anger and what you will do with it. If you would like we can help you hone this gift.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
