Divorces R Us

[Zues126]

I don't think it's an ego thing J. I think it's a condition that must be met to be able to experience the feeling of love.

Let me pose a question. Suppose someone got your email address and started emailing you at night. They didn't know anything about you...not what you looked like, not your name, not your interests, not your job...NOTHING. But for some reason they decided to email you every night and told you everything about themselves. You learned their hobbies, their fears, their dreams.

Now one night this person emails you and tells you they love you.

Would it be possible for you to feel loved?

How could they possibly love you when they don't even understand the first thing about you?

Well, for me and I believe many men, that is the role of sex.

Sex is on their minds all day long. It is a constant desire beyond anything else. It is a desire that defines their existence. It shapes their view of the world. It is their identity.

So if a woman doesn't meet her husbands sexual needs, either she doesn't care if he withers and dies, or usually she simply has no clue how it feels to be a man. For me specifically I never felt any love from XW, because it was like she didn't know the first thing about me, and that she just treated me like a robot, and put a mask over the man I was and pretended I was the person she wanted me to be.

Then on the occasions that she tried to be physically loving she felt uncomfortable, or pressured, it wasn't sexual intimacy in the way she thought sex should work in a relationship (when we BOTH desired it, when she felt like it, when conditions arose that made her feel like it, etc). But when she was physical with me it made me feel VERY loved, even when she wasn't into it. She'd say "you wouldn't want me to be with you if I didn't feel like it" and I would be like, "um, yes", because not only did it still make me feel loved, it was actually profoundly meaningful that she'd love me because I needed to be loved, and simply because she was in the mood. The same way I didn't have to be in the mood to take her out for Valentine's day or get her flowers.

I need to give up and accept that maybe men and women's skies are so different not only won't we be able to see the color the other party sees, we might not ever even understand how different those colors are. I'll breathe deep. It's just flash backs from the pain of my marriage. It's over now. I don't have to fight the fight anymore. I'll go shoot some pool and it will pass...