I went for a long run today...ok, not really but a 20 minute run and was thinking about this;
It's often said that for the walkway spouse to want the LBS back they need to value them again. In order to value them, they need to see the LBS as moved on, detached, possibly dating others.
Why would I want someone that only values me when I no longer care? When they realize that I am done? I think that says a lot about their dysfunction and insecurity, not mine.
I don't want to be in a relationship playing games. I want to be able to confide in my husband about my insecurities and anxieties and fears without being devalued for having them and especially without having them used against me. I wanted that from him as well. I never wanted a relationship based on superficiality and fakeness (is that even a word?)
I often feel like my husband mistook my honesty and desire for a companion as neediness. I don't really need him and never thought I did.
Just rambling now cause it's Friday night and I have no GAL activities
This is coming up in my R.
H got tired of being in a marriage with someone who didn't desire him the way he wanted, so he emotionally detached.
Now, my libido and desire for him is greater than it's ever been.
It seems like my libido dislikes being pursued and becomes alive only when there is great uncertainty. I hate that, and wish I could change, but don't know how.
Right now, H feels he can only stay if we implement a drastic change to introduce uncertainty into the marriage--enough uncertainty to keep my libido high but not enough to make me miserable.
Any ideas on how to do that?
Me: 44 H: 44 Kids: 20, 16, 16, and 10 Together/Married: 22 years H announced he was emotionally detached and considering D: 4/4/16 H announced he is going to try to stay and reconnect: 5/1/16
