Sunny Days are Here, Again

[Zues126]

I think there's a difference between friends and friendly acquaintances.

If I am at a social function, be it work, church, etc, and there are women I get along with, there's no harm in having a conversation. If it's a recurring situation like a lot of time spent with another married couple it would make sense they'd become kind of 'extended family'. And if there were a couple of women at work where we'd talk about work stuff once in a while, or keep tabs on the major changes in each other's life (oh, you're buying a house, where is it, etc), that's fine as well. I might enjoy sharing a cartoon I thought they'd find funny, and I could see enjoying the interactions we had as we made fun of the new rules that corporate rolled out, or whatever. But I wouldn't consider any of these friends with a capital F. If they moved away and I no longer saw them at work or church or whatever, I wouldn't be keeping in touch with them to continue that relationship.

To me a Friend with a capital F is someone who you open up to at a deeper level emotionally. Someone who you don't just tell about the outer part of your life, but that you share your inner self with. Someone that you connect with throughout the week or even daily to support each other through, connect emotionally, discuss personal problems with, call on your drive home, and text message when you think of them at midnight. In my view that's not an appropriate relationship with someone of the opposite gender for someone that is married. Or for me at all.

I have a best friend, we talk a few times a day, and sometimes we just leave each other messages throughout the day. We are like brothers. I have a few other good friends that I connect with weekly, and spend time with here and there. I have a few friends that moved away that I still keep tabs on. But none of them are women.

So to put it this way, I am friendly with a few women, but I am not Friends with any of them.

I'm not preaching what's ok for other people. But this is where the line is for me. And I wouldn't be ok with my wife being tethered for ongoing support and emotional vulnerability with another man. While I understand that some people might be able to do that, I know some marriages survive open relationships as well. That wouldn't work for me either. In the end I think it's a slippery slope and the marriage is too important to play with fire. And after witnessing the vast number of failed marriages and betrayals as I have over the last couple of years, I couldn't imagine tying myself to someone that wasn't equally vigilant.

Hope you're having a good day Sunny!