First post. I have always been very attentive to my W and I decided to pull a 180 to get her attention. I went out with my friend to a concert but did not tell her.
Sorry, a little background is needed here. My W has not told me her whereabouts or plans for at least 2 months now. She is very busy with her neighborhood organizations and helping with a campaign for office. She does respond call back sometimes when I call or text. I found her in pics with another guy on fb. She swears she is not seeing anyone and if she is " I will be the first to know". She has been to his house and out dancing w him. He posted video on fb (don't you know your friend's friend's can see your activity?) We do live together but there is no touching except for sex which involves no kissing. We sleep under separate blankets in the same bed. I pay the bills and she does not cook, clean or eat at the house. She is always on the phone with friends (male or female) and does not look at me while talking. She does not let me see who she is on the phone with. She has been buying new clothes every pay day (including sexy underwear). She is planning to spend her birthday at the end of this month somewhere without me.
So back to the concert. She called me at the concert and I told her I went out and she got really upset and said that was messed up. She also asked if when she goes out could she get me as the driver for uber (I drive UBER on weekends) I said no I would have to be in her area.
The following Monday I came home from work and she interrupted what I was talking about and asked if I will sign the papers uncontested. I did not know what she was talking about. She was referring to the D papers. I became flustered and we made a date for her to leave the house. I also apologized for not telling her my whereabouts and have laid low ever since. Should I have stuck to my guns I have been a doormat for my W and need help.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
My wife has 2 playlists on my spotify (we share the account) that have the most depressing breakup and divorce songs. If you want to get an idea how bad it is, google babyface's love marriage and divorce. There is a song on there where Toni Braxton wishes nothing but pain on the ex
Next Post My W has basically walked all over me since here " i don't love you anymore BD almost a year ago" She goes out any/anytime she wants and does not say where she is going. She has said she would rather go to Hell than stay in this marriage (we are Christian). She made a revenge list of things she will do to hurt me (take away access to youngest daughter, sleep with other men, leave me in financial ruin) that she keeps with her phone at all times. She even takes the list with her when we go to church. I bought her tix to see her favorite singer in concert for Christmas and she took someone else to punish me. On Valentine's Day she received a portable cooler from a man but she would not say who bought her the gift. She did not get me anything for Valentines Day. My wife is punishing me for the lies I have told in the past (problems with hiding money and lying when caught has been an issue) She said she forgives me but I see no evidence of that. I have sought counseling for my issues and am continuing to work on that. I pay all the bills, (she does not work) come home and do the chores and get dinner going (with help from my oldest daughter). I want to kick her out but I have not seen anyone on the boards who has done so. Please advise if you have taken this course of action and what have been the results.
I am especially hoping Sandi2 replies.
Last edited by Cadet; 05/20/1602:11 PM.
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
My W has basically walked all over me since here " i don't love you anymore BD almost a year ago" She goes out any/anytime she wants and does not say where she is going. She has said she would rather go to Hell than stay in this marriage (we are Christian). She made a revenge list of things she will do to hurt me (take away access to youngest daughter, sleep with other men, leave me in financial ruin) that she keeps with her phone at all times. She even takes the list with her when we go to church. I bought her tix to see her favorite singer in concert for Christmas and she took someone else to punish me. On Valentine's Day she received a portable cooler from a man but she would not say who bought her the gift. She did not get me anything for Valentines Day. My wife is punishing me for the lies I have told in the past (problems with hiding money and lying when caught has been an issue) She said she forgives me but I see no evidence of that. I have sought counseling for my issues and am continuing to work on that. I pay all the bills, (she does not work) come home and do the chores and get dinner going (with help from my oldest daughter). I want to kick her out but I have not seen anyone on the boards who has done so. Please advise if you have taken this course of action and what have been the results.
I am especially hoping Sandi2 replies
M-41 W-46 T- 17 years M- 13 yrs SS - 25 SD- 22 D 11 ILYBNILWY - 6/6/15 Status - DBing, GAL
Nate, I'm sorry to hear about what's going on in your sitch... Your going to want to provide some more information to really get some good feedback, such as how long have you been married, what have you been doing in the last year since the ILYBINILWY speech, what did she say the issues where, when you say you hid money, what what were you hiding it for.. Ages of kids, how was your sex life prior to ilybnilwy speech, etc..
I can tell you if Sandi does stop by, your gonna need to put a helmet on... Have you been working on getting a life?
You said that she doesn't work, how does she pay to go out, are you footing the bill for that? If she wants to go out, let her figure out how to make the money to pay for it...
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
