She called, I answered, she asked how the dogs were etc etc then asked if I was staying there tonight. I told her I was, and that I was about to leave to go run some errands but wouldn't be gone too long. Her, "I'd like to stay there tomorrow night." Me: "that's fine, I never said you couldn't stay here". Her: "so, are you going to leave? where will you sleep?", Me, "I'm going to sleep here."
then it started. She went on with 'its not fair, you're being a complete dick and you know it, that is my house too, do you really want to spend our money on lawyers to figure out the living situation, on and on and on... I just responded, I hear what you're saying and I can see how you'd think I'm doing this to make things difficult, but all I want is some stability to move forward due to the circumstance. You can come see the pets, you can take the pets, but I am standing alone right now and you don't want me in your future.
then it goes worse. 'you were never in this relationship', 'you never cared, you never loved me', 'if you care about bettering yourself so much, where the Hell was that ambition before, i don't care that your working on you, i want to be able to sleep in my house. tell me after all this time you haven't given a crap about anything,', ...and there was more.
all i did was respond back, validating how i understand how she can feel that way, and i know i've made mistakes and there is nothing i can do about that in hindsight. she went back to the 'not fair' thing and said even though this is HER decision to leave me, it's my fault and i'm the one that did this to us. I validated and said I'm aware of things I've done wrong, and I wish I could'v edone things differently, but I can't, and now you want to leave and all I can do is not stand in your way, but continue working on me.
this was followed with, 'fine, you know what, lets just stay married, is that okay? is that what you want?' I said, eventually i'd like to find myself in a happy marriage, and while I respect your decisions, i am not in agreeance that D is the solution to our problems.
then a whole bunch of yelling and anger, and more references to how i've never been there in the past, but now that she wants me gone i don't have the respect for her to go away.
then she hung up on me...
thanks for the critique, I know better than to say "but" after a validating statement, but got knocked a little lopsided for a minute. I did the best I could to stay calm, be nice, but stern.
I know some will say I shouldn't feel this way, but I feel really bad. Yeah, she's hurt from a ton of things I did wrong in the past... but she won't let it go. I wrote a letter acknowledging all these things, and gave no "buts", "explanations", or "justifications", just simply stating I understand what she is upset about. But she is unwilling to accept it, or forgive, and if that never happens, then our 'future' will be doomed anyways.
I get that she was "supposed" to get pissy, and I actually feel like the yelling and dismantling of my past, might have (maybe) let out a little bit of those bottled up angers against me, which could be a turning point...
Well, it will be a turning point. The way that went, it could lead to her say Eff it and I'm coming home and going to badger the crap out of him while I'm there every time I see him, or might actually put her over the edge to file for D. Who knows...
My heart is still racing, I'm still full of FUD, and I have no clue when I'll hear from her again. Or maybe the next time I show up to the house when she's there I get stun-gunned and she claims I attack. Who... Knows... ?
