What a week! I have been up and down every single day. What's wrong with me. I'm also really tired and work has been demanding. I'm on a down path, do really know why as if I look at my life now in the last 14 months I have dime more things than during my 10 years marriage! Interaction with H is to a minimum but he stayed longer last time he came round to see kids! Tonight I feel guilty like I have been told off like a child by H. I'm away for the weekend and told him that I'd be leaving at a certain time, so he can be in the house. So tonight I said that I'll see him normal time and he tells me it never a give and take with you! I went I'm sorry and he said because I told him I won't leave before lunch he had made other plans! He usually has his kids from 10 am every Sat! It's not that he has other plans but it's his voice tone, I really felt told off like a stupid child! I thought he'd take the opportunity to be with his kids more than he has so far. He's going to have to get used to it as in a month time, the alternate weekend will start!
Why can't I switch off my feelings? Why am I still hoping for R, when everyone on this board can see that it'll never happen? Why do I think that I can't get better than H? Normally I'd have replied to his comments but I didn't, so why am bothered about how I act around him? I can see that he is selfish and clearly now I'm just a bother for him, so why can't I move on like he did? My mind can see things clearly, so why does my heart still hold on to the hope that I'll get my H back? If I was single and would have been spoken to like how he did tonight, I'd have walked away, so why can't i do?
